What If's
by Aphina
Summary: One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. Which road do I take? she asked. Where do you want to go? was his response. I don't know, Alice answered. Then, said the cat, it doesn't matter."
1. Chapter 1: The Beginning

-"**but what if it really does matter, because taking the road less traveled really can change everything**"

**AN: This story was written by myself and Madison Bellows. SO credit goes to her for fab chapters later on and for working really hard on the storyline!!**

**What if: Matt never met Taylor? Gus never had cancer? Flack never told Carmen about Lucinda Garvey and he never showed up that night.**

Prologue

_It's sad, so sad  
It's a sad, sad situation.  
And it's getting more and more absurd.  
It's sad, so sad  
Why can't we talk it over?  
Oh it seems to me  
That sorry seems to be the hardest word._

_Mary J Blige – Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word_

The rain cascaded across my face as I tipped it towards the sky, my own salty tears drowning in the droplets.

Behind me the huge frame of St Paul's loomed, overshadowing me in the lights reflected from the street lamps.

The church was closed; it seemed that even the Lord had forsaken me. I sat down on the stone steps, choking as rain continued to pour. My arms were wrapped around myself as I stared upwards, praying.

My heart was breaking into a million pieces. My clothes were soaked through now, the material was heavy and coarse against my skin and the only thing I could think of was the fact I deserved to die out here right now. Alone and in the shadows.

I was shaking now, remembering how his words struck me as he screamed, his hands shoving me out of the door as I clung to him begging.

I'd never been scared of him until that moment, seeing all that rage and fury harden in his cornflower blue eyes, knowing that I'd inflicted that upon him was killing me.

I was rocking now as the sobs forced themselves up and through me, my whole body was shuddering against the emotions that welled up inside me as I cried bitterly, cursing myself.

I ran my hands through my long lank hair as it hit me again and again, that I'd lost the only man I'd ever truly loved, and it was all my fault.


	2. Chapter 2: The Job

* * *

_**A/N: Hey y'all, it's Madison and I just want to say thanks for stopping by this little bit of drama Aphina and I decided to create for our OC. And to mention that sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason...**_

Chapter Two

_It's hard to argue when  
you won't stop making sense  
But my tongue still misbehaves and it  
keeps digging my own grave with my  
Hands open, and my eyes open  
I just keep hoping ..._

_-Hands Open, Snow Patrol_

Flack was tired, beyond tired actually. He was damn exhausted right down to his bones. Life wasn't supposed to be this complicated. Bad enough cases were piling up, especially with this fucking Lucinda Garvey thing rearing its ugly head. Then there was the fact that his partner only on half time while she recovered from the chemical pneumonia she got by volunteering back in that wasteland she used to call home. And now his wife had apparently forgotten she had married a cop.

Hell, she seemed to have forgotten that she herself was a cop and that sometimes bad things happened to cops and their families, because NEW FLASH, not everybody loved cops. Being a cop was in his blood, it was all he had ever known, all he had ever wanted to be. Sure he got that he was a father and a husband, but he was still a cop. His dad never seemed to have these kind of issues. Then again his dad had missed a hell of a lot of his growing up, but that was because he was out there protecting the greatest city in the world.

He loved Thomas, he really did. Flack always assumed he would have a son of his own, one that would look up to him like he did his own father. One that would be proud to have a father who was part of the NYPD, one who might even follow the legacy that so many Flack men had been a part of. Loving his son was not the issue. But nothing had happened to him and Flack didn't like sitting around playing the 'what if' game.

He had done far too much of that after some fucking nut job tried to blow him to kingdom come and the 'what if' game never worked out, even under the best of circumstances. Danny used to make him play that game when shooting pool at Sully's, about the girls there or the ones they worked with, sometimes even a perp or two...but Flack hated playing it because he was never satisfied with the answers. He didn't deal in the theoretical or the microscopic. Flack dealt in what was solid and in front of him, he liked things he could put his hands around.

Which is why he was having such a hard time with Carmen. He hadn't told her about the mob case because he didn't want her crawling inside her head wondering and worrying herself to death. Yeah, maybe he had being trying to protect her but he didn't think that was a bad thing. Protectin' and servin' was what he did. Now she was throwing around the "D" word, and he was pretty damn sure she meant it. Coming at him with ultimatums and saying she needed time to think things over, it wasn't right.

Of course he had thrown the same thing at her when she disappeared for six weeks, leaving Flack with an angry toddler and no one to turn to but Gus when Thomas' wouldn't stop howlin' for hours on end. 'Course Gus had pitched in like it wasn't anything, even though she wasn't sleeping herself, while trying to fight off infections that could cause career ending scar tissue on her lungs. Because 'that's what partners do' she said, 'whatever, whenever, wherever'.

* * *

Flack agreed with her, thought that's what he and Carmen had. Except every time the going got rough between the two of them, one of them was flippin' open the damn yellow pages for a divorce lawyer. Hell, he was half shocked they didn't each have one on speed dial. Maybe she did, probably not, since she seemed to run to Matt every time they had even the smallest of disagreements. "God damned, Matt!" Flack thought, banging his hand against his desk.

"You alright over there, blue eyes?" Gus asked Flack, looking at him with concern as their desks vibrated with his outburst.

"I've been better", Flack grumbled.

Gus arched an eyebrow, "Brass, Garvey or Carmen?"

"You know me a little too well, sunshine", Flack sighed, "all three, but Carmen especially".

"Heard about your battle in the lab yesterday". Gus tried to not sound glib, but she knew if she sounded at serious as she felt, Flack would get even more unbearable.

"Heard about or actually heard it?" Flack smirked.

Gus shook her head, "Didn't echo all the way to the pit, but Stella wanted me to check up on you".

Flack glowered, "Good ol' Stella".

Gus rolled her eyes, "Can't blame her, I have to admit I am a little worried about you". "And Carmen", Gus tacked on hastily.

"I'm fine, it's Carmen that is having the issue, forgettin' that we're cops", Flack snarled.

Gus pushed back from her desk, crossing her arms over her chest, "Yeah, but she's a mother too".

Flack's eyes flashed, "You gonna take her side? What about partners first?"

Gus pursed her lips, "If you are going to make me pick sides like a child, I got your back, always, Flack and you know it. But, I was just trying to point out that she may be seeing things different from you".

"I thought you gave up shrinking".

"I thought I told you I was never-" Gus started.

Flack cut her off, "I know, I know, you were never a shrink. Look, I love Thomas just as much as she does, little guy is my world. Part of how I get up and do what we do every day is knowing that I am making this world safer for him and my nieces and nephews and even for your never gonna happen kids".

Gus rolled her eyes, but bit back any sarcastic comments, knowing that wasn't what he needed right now. "Just give her some time, she'll calm down, get her head back in the game".

"I friggin' hope so", Flack glowered, "she was throwing around the D word".

Gus looked at him, her eyes wide, "Divorce, are you fucking kidding me? What for?"

"'Cause I didn't flip out enough over yesterday, because I apparently married the job and not her and some other bull shit".

"That's not fair!" Gus exclaimed.

"That's what I thought, but then I thought maybe I was crazy for thinking that. But it ain't the first time it's been said on either side", Flack admitted.

"Great conflict resolution style, Flack", Gus admonished.

Flack slumped in his chair, "I didn't think it was supposed to be this complicated".

"Quit stealing my words, Flack", Gus teased, leaning over to pat his hand as she looked at the clock and grimaced.

"You wanna go grab a bite? I can cancel my date".

"Date, Broussard, I thought you were supposed to be taking it easy", Flack teased back.

Gus cocked her head to the side, "Easy ain't dead, Flack, a girl had to have a little fun now and again".

"Have your fun, I'm supposed to meet with Carmen later to talk this out, see where we stand".

Gus made a little noise, "You have fun with that. Call me if you need to decompress and I'll meet ya in a second, hot date or not".

"Thanks, Gus", Flack replied, waving at her as she gathered her belongings and walked out.

"That's what I'm here for, Flack", Gus replied, squeezing his shoulder on the way out.

* * *

_Thanks to all our readers and especially:_

_Katydid13: -Madison- I sometimes think that is half the fun, it's not the destination, it's the journey :) – Aph- lol sometimes a bit of angst is good!_

_Bluehaven4220: -Madison-We're working on it, this joint co-write this is insanity! –Aph- lol we have a few chapters done but we'll have to see how regularly we update. Lol we are insane!_

_SparkyCSI: -Madison- And it has only just begun insert evil laughter here -Aph- It can only get worse, and you now it!_

_JoanneF: -Madison- Drama and angst you say? Well, if we have to! –Aph- lol do we think we've traumatized our chars enough? Never!_


	3. Chapter 3: Tied Up

Chapter Three

_When the daylight's gone and you're on your own  
And you need a friend just to be around  
I will comfort you, I will take your hand  
And I'll pull you through, I will understand _

_-"At Your Side" The Corrs_

"Dialing Flack", the tinny electronic voice said.

"Noooo, not Flack, Mac, you piece of technological shit!" Gus screamed, as she tried in vain to twist while handcuffed to her bed.

"Gus?" Flack answered tentatively, wondering if perhaps her phone had dialed him in mistake.

"Er, um, hi Flack", Gus yelped into the phone.

"Are you calling me from your date?" Flack asked, partially concerned and partially confused.

"Uh, date, funny you should mention that", Gus said with a wooden laugh.

Flack's eyes flicked to his watch, he should already be gone with Carmen's ridiculous deadline. He would have left already, but he had a mountain of paperwork. He should have just let Gus take it like she had offered to. "Gus, I'm kind of in the middle of something, here", Flack prodded.

"Right, yeah, the whole Carmen thing, which is why I was trying to call Mac", Gus rambled.

Flack sighed, "OK, well then, I will just let you go so you can call him. Sorry your date didn't go so well".

"No, wait...don't hang up!" Gus begged, with more than a hint of pleading.

"Gus, what's going on?" Flack said, suddenly on full alert.

"I, er, can't really...it's well bad and embarrassing and just...bad" Gus said, her neck cricking from the odd position she had angled herself in towards the phone.

"Where are you?" Flack asked, suddenly very concerned about his partner.

"At home" Gus squeaked.

"Are you hurt?" Flack asked, feeling like he was playing twenty questions.

"Well sort of, more my ego bruised, I suppose, but the things is, I kind of can't...move" Gus said, not able to fully express what was going on.

"Can't move like paralyzed?" Flack said, jumping up and grabbing his keys, wondering if he should call for a medic.

"Not paralyzed, just incapacitated". Gus' sounded like she was straining for breath, on the edge of a panic attack.

Flack looked longingly at the clock one more time, he was already late as it was and he was already in the doghouse, how much worse could it get? "I'll be there in 10 to 15" Flack informed her.

"Thanks" Gus squeaked, "And make sure you bring your cuff keys".

Flack hung up before catching her last words and did a double take as he slid his phone on his belt and ran out the door.

* * *

Flack cursed traffic all the way to Gus' building, even with his loose interpretation of traffic rules, he had to crawl all the way there. It appeared the bridge and tunnel crowd had decided tonight was the perfect night to perform the automotive idiot ballet on the streets of the city. He let himself into her building, thankful she had given him a set of keys in case of emergency.

He stabbed at the elevator call button, muttering, "Come on, come on!" He knocked on Gus' door, feeling worried and apprehensive all at the same time. Not hearing a response, his heart catching in his throat, he unholstered his gun and opened the unlocked door, quickly scanning the open room. He took in the tray with coffees sitting on the table in front of the couch, it looked like she had brought her date home, so where was he now?

Bristling, Flack called out, "Gus?" Flack cocked his head, waiting for a response.

"In here", she called from the direction of the bedroom.

"Alright, well, I'm here, what do you need?" Flack asked impatiently, but still worried.

"I need you to come in here...I'm a little..." Gus paused, "tied up right now".

"Tied up? You call me, give me a heart attack trying to get over here when I am supposed to be headed home to my already pissed off wife and now you are too tied up to come out-" Flack stopped short as he barged into Gus' room and took in her scantily clad body handcuffed to the bed. "Oh", he said, trying to avert his eyes, not sure where to look.

"Yeah", Gus said, in a half-sob trying to not turn beet red as Flack tried to not look at her in her skimpy underwear.

"This what you meant by a little fun, sunshine?" Flack asked with a smirk, coming over and unlocking the cuffs.

"Fuck off, Flack", Gus snipped.

"I'll link you back up", Flack said, tossing her a sweatshirt from a pile on the floor.

"Ow, crap", Gus winced as she pulled the sweatshirt over her head.

"Lemme see" Flack demanded, yanking on her arm, "those are gonna hurt like hell for a few days" he replied as Gus held out her wrists for him to inspect.

"Great. I think I will be letting you cuff the perps for the next while", Gus sighed.

"You gonna tell me what happened?" Flack asked.. Flack moved closer to Gus, patting her on the back.

"It's stupid", Gus said moving away from him, leaving Flack to wonder just what all had gone on between Gus and her date. He remained quiet, letting her mull over her words.

"It started out fine, we had dinner. It was our third date, so I wasn't so shocked when he asked if we wanted to have dessert back at my place. We actually did have dessert, I had made a pecan pie and coffee. And then we started...ya know...fooling around", Gus looked down at her lap.

Flack couldn't help but let out a laugh, "Jesus, Gus I've never known you to be so damn bashful about your conquests, I still feel like washing my ears out with soap since you told me about your weekend with that child from NYU".

"He was a grad student, Flack!" Gus protested.

"Fine, fine", Flack held up his hands in mock surrender, "back to you and Romeo".

"Palmer", Gus corrected.

"Palmer, what a pansy ass name", Flack scoffed.

Gus shot him a look, "Hence why I hadn't told you his name. Anyhow, we ended up back in the bedroom and he asks about my cuffs. Not a huge shocker there, what is it with boys wanting to touch my gun and my cuffs?"

Flack made a strangled noise, but didn't answer.

"I figured, what the hell, maybe he isn't as stodgy and Republican as I thought. So he cuffs me and teases me a little bit and then-", Gus paused and took a big breath, her eyes filling with tears, hiding behind her hair.

"What, what is it, sunshine? Did he rape you, 'cause if he did, I swear ta God!", Flack jumped off the bed, his anger rising.

Gus shook her head, "No, not that", she sniffled.

Flack let out a whoosh of air, crouching in front of her, "but something?"

"He punched me, called me a dirty pig, and started going on and on about how he wanted me to feel what it felt like to be locked up, to loose your freedom, to not have any will, and then the next thing I knew he had a knife at my throat and-" Gus broke down, sobbing, as the brevity of what had happened to her this evening caught up with her.

Flack moved back beside her, wrapped his arms around her and rocked her. He wished he could comfort her more, knowing that this wasn't the first time she had been hit by a guy or threatened with death. "Shh, shh, sunshine, it's okay, I've got you. You're safe now", he murmured into her hair.

Gus sobbed a bit longer, wetting Flack's button-down. When she was cried out, she pulled away, swiping at her eyes. "I'll be fine, I mean I am fine, nothing really happened. I just feel so stupid, I thought I had finally met a nice guy, ya know? There are such assholes out there and he was polite and he went to Harvard, he knows the Kennedys for Christ's sake. How was I supposed to know he got into trouble when he was younger and was on probation forever, that the scandal caused his family to disown him and he had a grudge against cops? He set me up, and he enjoyed it, the bastard, he even took some fucking pictures on his phone!" Gus dropped her head again, her palm against her forehead.

"From now on, I am running all your dates through the computer, Gus", Flack said, walking over and handing her a box of tissues.

"No kidding, but I don't think I'm going to go on another date again for a long time. All the good ones are married", she said with a smile and then stopped. Gus face paled, her hand went to her face,"Oh, Flack, what about Carmen?"

"I was late already, she's either there or she's not", Flack replied with a shrug.

"Flack!" Gus scolded her partner. She jumped up, her fists clenched, "You need to get over there, she's your wife, you have a son together. Talk, work it out". Gus put her hands on Flack's chest and started pushing him out of the bedroom.

Flack looked down at Gus, the sweatshirt swallowing her, tears and mascara staining her face, wrists bearing welts from the cuffs. "Are you sure, I could call".

Gus thrust both hands on her hips, "Avoiding Carmen is not going to make anything better and you know it, Flack. Tell her I'm sorry I made you late, I'll tell her all about my stupidity on Monday".

Flack knew Gus was right, but he still was dreading the confrontation, the mere thought of it causing him to feel like he was being dragged to the bottom of the East River. "OK, but I'm going to call and check up on you as soon as I can".

Gus gave a slight nod, gesturing toward the front door.

"And you may want to have those wrists looked at, call Hawkes or Sid, I'm sure they would swing by so you don't have to go to a hospital", Flack suggested.

"Fine, Flack, but go!" she said, shooing him out the door.

* * *

_Brown eyed Girl: -Mads- I think that is what makes them more lovable, not being perfect. Thanks for your review. –Aph- It's true it is complicated and it gets even more so._

_Sparky: -M- We are too evil, forgive us? –Aph- lol I forgot this chapter was here so it'll be the next chapter you've read!_

_Blue: -M-Good to see someone else appreciates insanity! –Aph- lol I hope you like this chapter, I'll think you'll find yourself surprised at the next chapter._

_Katy: -M- Thanks, I know it is asking a lot, and hopefully things will end well. –Aph- knowing our muses though, they tend to go a little off the deep end._

_Forest: -M- The tension is just beginning. Thanks for coming along for the ride. –Aph- lol she's right it's just beginning, fingers crossed you'll still enjoy it._


	4. Chapter 4: That Same Old Girl

_**This is an M rated chapter.**_

Chapter Four

_My fingertips are holding _

_Onto the cracks in our foundation_

_And I know that I should let go but I can't_

_And I know when we fight it's not right_

_Every time that you upset I just smile._

_I know that I should forget but I can't._

_Kate Nash - Foundations_

I glanced at the clock from my position on the couch. My hands were clasped together as I shook my head. It was half past ten. I'd been sitting here for an hour and a half now. I stood up, jaw clenched tightly before yanking my jacket off the back of the chair and slipping it over my shoulders. He wasn't coming.

I leaned over the kitchen table scribbling the words.

"Divorce papers will be in the mail." Before throwing the pen back down at the table and taking one long last look at the apartment.

I picked up my hand bag and tore open the apartment door feeling a whole range of emotions spilling through me, anger, sadness, irrepressible rage. This was the end of an era; I could feel it on my bones.

I didn't realize where I was going until I found myself at his door, knocking impatiently, demanding to be let inside. Matt opened the door, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. His dark hair was tousled wildly. His hazel eyes fixed on me standing there, looking up at him with a grim expression on my face.

"Hey. I was asleep on the couch," he murmured disgruntled, pulling open the door and inviting me in.

I stepped inside the apartment, my eyes searching it wearily. I didn't know why I'd chosen to come here instead of Cory's place or Danny's. I'd been running on autopilot and for some reason the best place for me was here.

I dropped down onto the couch, noticing a game on TV. My shoulders were already beginning to shake as I tried to hide the emotions bubbling away inside me. Matt must have been watching me because the next minute he was sitting next to me, his arms wrapped around my shoulders as I broke down completely.

I clutched at his shirt tightly as the sobs came, choking me as very emotions filled me at once. I hated Flack; I hated him for doing this to me. I hated myself for being here right now crying in another man's arms because he didn't want to save our marriage.

Matt's hand was soothing my hair gently as I began to calm down, head buried in his chest.

"I'm sorry, Carmen I really am. I'm sorry he didn't turn up," Matt said softly as I tilted my head up towards him.

Our faces were inches apart. I found myself looking into his warm hazel eyes, seeing sympathy and compassion in them. Matt brushed the stray tears off my cheek with the back of his hand, one arm still holding me against him. I was suddenly very aware of how very close I was to him. My whole upper body was pressed against his chest; the scent of his musky aftershave invaded my senses. His hand slid down to my face, his fingers tracing the curve of my neck gently.

I leaned forward my lips brushing his chastely, testing. Matt returned the kiss, his hand on the back of my neck pulling me even closer against him as his tongue parted my lips teasingly. The kiss was fierce; heat ran through me, my skin sensitive to his touch as he pulled me into his lap. My legs were on either side of his. My hands running through his hair, as I became lost in the mixture of sensations. Matt's hands were sliding up my thighs, caressing them through my jeans making me moan into his kiss. I could feel him hard beneath his jeans as I thrust against him trying to get closer.

The kisses were long, passionate and intense. My skin was flushing under his touch as his lips moved to the hollow of my throat, tickling the skin there was he undid my shirt, button by button. His warm hands made me shudder as he traced the outline of my arms whilst he pushed the shirt from my shoulders and off my body.

There was no denying that I wanted him as his hands slid down my back, cupping my ass as he rose to his feet, my legs wrapped around waist. His lips were on mine again, instant and hot as my hands ran under his shirt, caressing the skin underneath it.

He set me on the work surface of the kitchen, his fingers already working on the button on my jeans. I was eager with anticipation as I tugged his shirt over his head. The skin on skin contact made me moan as I pulled him closer, desperate to feel more of him against me. My hands were on his belt buckle, he was already yanking my jeans off in one fluid motion. I was undoing the button on his jeans, as he paused, taking in my body for the second time.

Things were different, there were more scars, I was leaner now, older. I knew once his lips touched mine again, sending red hot lust running through me that he didn't care. His fingers caressed me through the transparent black material of my panties. I was soaking wet and from the wonderful tingling sensation that radiated from my clit; I was almost begging him to fuck me.

His jeans slipped down his legs, along with his boxers. Matt pulled aside my panties with his fingers, causing me to go rigid with anticipation. The tip of him brushed against my wetness, teasingly. I moaned against him as his teeth grazed the curve of my neck. I shimmied forward trying to slide him inside me, but Matt's warm hands held me steady. I growled in frustration as he teased me to the edge and pulled away again just as he was about to enter me.

"Jesus Matt, you're killing me here," I whispered. "I need you inside me now."

I was on the edge already, my nails digging in his back as he rubbed against my slickness. I bit my lip trying not to cry out loud.

"Say please," he murmured, I found myself smiling at the old joke we shared.

"Please…" I breathed.

Matt entered me slowly, prolonging the pleasure, his eyes on my face. I held onto him tightly as he started to move inside me. I closed my eyes so I couldn't see him watching. I arched against him, his slow deliberate thrusts building up inside me and I started to feel the pleasure began to take hold of me. I was getting close now and so was Matt. His pace began to quicken, my own breathing becoming more and more ragged as was his. I gripped him tightly, my teeth biting into the skin of his shoulder as the orgasm rose in me hard and fast. Matt shuddered against me, my pleasure sending him over the edge.

"Oh God," he moaned, against my throat as he came.

We stayed there for a moment, just resting against each other, trying to catch our breath. Matt was the first to pull away. He bent down tugging up his jeans and underwear and fastened the button. He buckled his belt before looking up and meeting my eyes.

"You haven't changed a bit," he smiled wolfishly.

I slipped off the work surface, fixing my underwear so it was back in place.

"Just more scars." I reminded him, my gaze on the floor under the illusion of searching for my clothes.

Matt took a step forward, his hands resting on the work surface, on either side of me, trapping me in place. His body was against mine as he gazed down at me.

"I like scars; they're a part of you, and your story." I closed my eyes shivering as his fingers slipped down from the hollow of my throat and traced over the bullet hole just above the tender flesh of my left breast.

"You can not possibly have recovered yet." I said softly as his fingers gently tickled downwards to the clasp at the front of my black lace bra.

"We'll see…" The knocking on the jolted us both apart.

I shot Matt a frightened look, as I reached for my jeans. Matt looked startled but grabbed his t-shirt and threw it over his head and moved to open the door. His composure back to the cool and collected individual he always was. I spied my top on the other side of the room but it would mean walking past the door to get it.

"Hey, I was just wondering if Carmen was here?" I froze as I zipped the button of jeans.

Flack's voice carried in through the doorway. My heart began to beat wildly in my chest. I didn't know what to do. I watched Matt intently from my position. His skin was flushed and sweat still coated hi m from moments before.

"Sorry man, you caught me while I was working out," Matt lied smoothly, fluttering his shirt as if to cool down.

"I haven't seen her, have you checked Danny and Cory, they have Thomas for the night." Matt's voice sounded normal enough if you ignored the tone of distain underneath it.

Thankfully Flack didn't detect it.

"I've called and she isn't there." Flack told him resigned. "Look man, if you see her can you get her to call me? It's important."

Matt nodded enthusiastically.

"Of course," he stated before shutting the door.

The instant it was closed his eyes were on me, inquisitive and shocked. I said nothing as I walked past him, scooped my shirt up from the floor and yanked it over my shoulders. A well of confusion was beginning to bubble up inside me; the hurt and the anger were still there twinged by a newer more fresh emotion. Guilt.

I turned my back on Matt as I focused my attention on doing up the buttons of my shirt.

"I left a note…It said the divorce papers would be in the mail," I stumbled unsure what to say.

Matt's hands rested on my shoulders gently, his thumbs caressing the muscles through my shirt. I turned to face him.

"Is that what you want?" he questioned.

My hard exterior crumbled as I shrugged.

"I don't know anymore," I said quietly.

We stood there like that for a long time. Matt staring into my face, his mouth set in a grim line and me staring right back, simply torn.

"Stay," he whispered.

I felt the breath leave me as I bowed my head, and fiddled with the wedding ring on my finger.

"If I go now, I can tell Cory and Danny I just spent the last hour driving around. If I stay…it complicates things, how can I explain where I've been?" I asked him quietly.

"Then go and bring Thomas back here," Matt persisted.

I shook my head feeling a lump in my throat before taking a step back.

"I can't." I reached for my jacket that was also on the floor and shrugged it on.

Before he could stop me I had darted out of the apartment door and was striding down the hallway as the numbness began to set in.

_**Maddy is really busy this weekend so she'll prob reply to your reviews through pm's.**_

_**This was written by Aphina – "bring on the flames!" **_

_Browneyed: he has a damsel in distress complex, lol gets him every time! I'm glad you like it!!_

_Laplandgurl: I think we're flirting with insanity, and it gets worse, its pretty angst ridden._

_Sparkycsi: Glad we got you hooked. I'm glad I'm keeping you surprised._

_Bluehavan4220: lol were you surprised?_

_Mustlovecat: Great to see you around here. We pretty much tossed the fluff out when it came to this story. I love the way she writes Gus and Flack its so dynamic._


	5. Chapter 5: Gone

Chapter Five

_A warning sign,  
I missed the good part then I realized,  
I started looking and the bubble burst.  
I started looking for excuses.  
Come on in,  
I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in,  
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones,  
That I started looking for a warning sign. _

_-"Warning Sign" Coldplay_

Flack sped home, thankful the traffic had cleared up slightly, wondering how pissed Carmen was going to be. He tried calling, but her phone kept going to straight to voice mail. He slammed the steering wheel in frustration when he got stuck at a light three blocks from home as the house line kept ringing and ringing. He raced into their building, cursing at the out of order sign on the elevator, wishing for the thousandth time that he could have afforded a fancier place like Gus'.

Taking the stairs two at a time, Flack flung open the door to his and Carmen's place, calling out, "I know, I'm late". He was greeted with a solid wall of silence filling the apartment and his heart.

"Carmen?" he called out, walking toward their bedroom.

"Princess?" he called again, looking in at Thomas' room even though he knew their son was at Cory and Danny's for the night.

"Shit", he swore again at the empty room. He walked toward the kitchen, intent on sucking down a beer as fast as he could. Carmen was probably out driving, pissed as hell, ticking off everyone else on the roadway, blaring angry rocker chic music.

Flack smiled a little at the image, but stopping short as his eye landed on the kitchen table. The pen had been tossed to the table with such force, its broken barrel left a puddle of ink that resembled blood. The angry scrawl across the paper was written with a heavy hand.

Its message bore straight into Flack's head and heart, "Divorce papers will be in the mail".

That was all it said, the fact that it was unsigned did more to hit home the message than words themselves. Flack felt his blood turn cold, it was the end, he could feel it in his bones. He was stunned, paralyzed for a moment until a whole range of emotions washed over him. Anger, sadness, irrepressible rage all coursed through his body.

Unsure of what his next move should be, he paced in the empty living room for a while. He drummed his hands on the counter top as he tried her cell phone yet again to no avail. Flack called Danny in hopeless frustration, trying to ignore the pity in his friend's voice as he was informed that no, his wife was not over there.

He ran through the team in his mind, if she wasn't with Cory and Danny, maybe she was with Stella. But Stella was working that night, so was Mac. Flack had just been over at Gus' and it wasn't likely Carmen had called Hawkes or Adam, she wouldn't have wanted to reveal that much of their private life with them. Or at least Flack didn't think she would have, after her blow up in the lab he wasn't as sure...he stopped, smacking his palm against his head.

* * *

"Matt", he said aloud, of course she would have gone to Matt's, she always went to Matt.

Flack made it over to Matt's place in record time, relieved that the elevator was working. He knocked loudly on the door, praying that Carmen was there and would come home to talk to him.

Matt swung the door open, hair mussed, looking sweaty. "Flack", Matt said in greeting, his voice rough, giving him a slightly disparaging look.

Flack brushed it off, ""Hey, I was just wondering if Carmen was here?" he asked, trying to peer around the doorway, but the other man was filling it.

"Sorry man you caught me while I was working out." Matt replied, fluttering his shirt.

Flack took in his t-shirt and jeans, noting it seemed like odd workout wear, but more concerned about where Carmen might be than what this fool chose to wear to work out in, besides he had seen Gus tackle a heavy bag in heels, so whatever floats your boat, right?

Flack realized Matt had spoken again. "-checked with Danny and Cory, they have Thomas for the night.

Flack studied Matt closely, did he hear disdain in the other man's voice? Flack shook his head, he was probably imaging things. "I've called there she isn't there." Flack informed him. "Look man, if you see her can you get her to call me? It's important." Flack hated admitting that he didn't know where his wife was to Matt, and hated that she may very well get the message from Matt because she would come to him before she home to Flack.

Matt nodded, "Of course", he said before he shut the door.

* * *

Flack started at the solid door for a minute, not sure what to make of the situation before shaking his head in despair and heading back to the elevator.

Flack drove around aimlessly for a while, lost in his thoughts, vacillating between anger and sadness. He knew he had been late, but how dare Carmen just take off and not tell anyone where she was going? He struggled with the thought that maybe she had someone else in her life that nobody else knew about, someone else's arms she would rather be in. This thought filled him with more anger, the idea of mistrust wriggling deep into his brain and taking hold.

Or what is she had been at Matt's and he was covering for her, hiding her? After all, he hadn't opened the door more than a crack and Carmen had gone to him with every other bump in their marital road. Working out in jeans? And that smirk, smug bastard.

Suddenly he was filled with white, hot rage. Flack wasn't sure who he was most mad at: Matt, Carmen or himself. He punched the roof of his car, the flesh of his knuckles tearing at the force, his nerve endings screaming at him. He shook his hand, trying to shake off the pain. "Idiot", he grumbled to himself.

* * *

Realizing he was going to need ice, Flack tried to focus on the road. Looking up, he was relived to find he was very close to Gus' place and figured hers was as good a place as any to lick and ice his wounds. He clumsily parallel parked with his good hand, scooping the note and his keys into his workable fist and made his way into the building.

Gus heard the knocking, curious as to who it might be, and hoping it wasn't fucking Palmer back for another round. Thinking such would be her look, she grabbed her Glock on her way to answer the door.

"Flack", she sighed, flinging open the door with relief.

"Nice welcoming committee", he remarked with a grimace, gesturing to her gun with his clenched fist, holding the other hand awkwardly out.

"Well ya know, it hasn't been the best of nights", she shrugged with a bashful grin.

"Tell me about it", he winced holding up his hand.

Gus took in his mussed state, haggard look and wounded hand, and quickly clicked the safety on her gun and set it on the table. "What the hell happened to your hand?" she inquired, coming over and taking it in her own.

"Punched the ceiling of the car", Flack replied, trying to ignore how bad the pain was.

"How many times have I told-", Gus stopped herself, "never mind. Come on, you know I have enough first aid supplies to perform minor surgery". She shook her head, leading him to the kitchen, pulling out a counter stool.

Gus was back in a moment, first aid kit in hand. "We'll ice it first and then tape it", she said after surveying the damage.

Flack nodded in agreement, as she pulled ice out of the freezer and plopped it into an ice pack.

Gus placed the pack as gently as she could against Flack's hand.

He took over holding it and said quietly, "Thanks".

"You know me, gracefulness and all". A wry grin accompanied her words. "I am betting by the looks of you, ya could use a drink", she hazarded.

Flack sighed, "Oh yeah".

Gus went about getting out glasses and a bottle of whiskey, pulling her hair back into a ponytail before she poured them both stout servings.

Flack watched her, clad in relaxed sweats, but the tension showing clearly in her jawline, she was still shaken by what had happened to her earlier.

"He didn't try to come back by or anything stupid did he?" Flack questioned.

Gus shook her head, tightening the cap on the bottle, before shoving it angrily back into place.

"You call it in yet?"

Gus rubber the heel of her hand into her forehead, "Not yet, figured I would just see the weekend Sarge about it first thing tomorrow, not something I really want to go over the phone".

"Gus!" Flack said with a warning tone, "he could be long gone".

"I hope he fucking is, because if I see him again-" Gus stopped, shoving the drink toward him, knocking the pile he had set on the counter down to the ground.

Gus stooped to pick up the keys and the piece of paper with them.

Flack quickly went to grab it back from her, the force tearing the paper and leaving Gus holding the half that said, 'Divorce papers will-'.

Gus dropped the piece of paper like it was on fire, slumping on the stool beside Flack. "I take it the talk with Carmen didn't go so well?"

Flack hung his head, sorrow taking over him as he shook it no.

"Oh, Flack, I'm so sorry", Gus said, laying a hand on his back.

* * *

_BeG: -Mads-Luckily writing it is much the same, glad you are sticking with us! -Aph- Lol we're seriously enjoying writing it, it's unbelievably fun to be so evil!  
_

_Blue: -Mads-Yeah, well mainstream stories can't handle our evilness, they need a place of their own! And we are so very evil .bwah ha ha -Aph-lol this whole thing is practically what would have happened!! Gotta break free at some point.  
_

_katy: -Mads- We can't be good all the time, otherwise our plot bunnies would go into sugar comas :)! Hopefully my smut will be as good as Aphina's! -Aph-lmao we are dirty smutty people, this make up for the lack of unadulterated smut in our stories!  
_

_sparky: -Mads- Thanks for not flaming, I don't think anyone could flame as well written as it was, but ya never know. I am glad we have sucked you in! -Aph- lol I was ready for flames, but sadly we got none lol It was so god damned hard not to write it!_


	6. Chapter 6: Rationalizing

Chapter Six

_Yeah and I don't where I'm coming from  
and I don't where I'm coming too  
and I don't what it means to me  
and you don't know what it means to you_

_Howie Day – She Says_

I was back at the apartment curled up in the corner of the couch my eyes on the door. The only light in the room came from the lamp perched on the small table next the sofa. My hair was damp from the shower I'd taken straight after I'd gotten Thomas settled in his bed.

I'd spent a long time under the steaming jets of hot water, scrubbing the scent and essence of Matt off my body. Unfortunately, there wasn't enough apple shower gel in the world to get rid of the guilt that was twanging at the edges of my consciousness.

I tugged the blanket tighter around my shoulders, shivering as the remnants of his touch still played within the recesses of my mind. I was processing, just like I always did; I was starting to rationalize how this had happened, why this had happened.

I'd always looked down on the people who had affairs. I didn't see the point in being with someone if you were willing to share your body with someone else. The worst part was that I'd heard every excuse in the book, and yet here I was coming up with my very own, to understand why I'd done what I'd done.

I guess everyone thinks their own situation is unique but the problem was I'd heard the excuse a million times before, so much that it became more than an excuse, it became a reason. Flack wasn't there and he hadn't been there for a long time.

Over the past month Matt had been acting more like a husband than my own legitimate husband had been. This wasn't just about sex, it was about comfort, I'd needed someone to be there in the background. I'd needed to feel loved and wanted, like I was part of something and Matt had given that to me.

Bitterness was biting at me now as I remembered it has been Matt who'd been there reassuring and calm as he guided me through a possibly career ending trial. Matt who'd sat with me night after night because Flack had been receiving death threats, looking after our son when I had to make it to the lawyer's office. It was Matt that had nearly been killed protecting our son, doing me a favour by taking him to the Carnival.

Matt knew things…

We were so similar sometimes; Matt knew what it as like to be a victim. For years he'd suffered under the hands of his overbearing father, he knew what it was like to feel pain, mental and physical at the hands of someone who you knew was supposed to love you.

He'd been the first person to see the signs, the only person who knew what they meant. He was the only one I'd ever opened up to about the domestic abuse I'd suffered at the hands of my ex-husband, the only person I'd trusted enough to tell. There hadn't been another since. It hadn't mattered to me when I'd married Flack because it was water under the bridge, a past that seemed so far away.

Matt had shown me that I wasn't alone when he'd revealed his past, he'd helped me face my demons and that was a connection that hadn't been broken by the neglect our friendship had suffered over the years.

Having Matt back in my life again opened up fresh wounds, ones that I thought were healed. Feelings had resurfaced that I thought were dead. They were conflicted; emotions I'd thought were long gone, buried when we'd gone our separate ways. The fact he'd become the person I could rely on had urged them on.

Matt always knew the right words to say, the right thing to do in any given situation and I was forced to admit that Flack didn't seem to be doing anything right recently. I guess that's why I'd fallen into Matt's open arms tonight. I'd been so furious at Flack, and hurt too. It had pierced me deeply knowing that the job had come first yet again, and that our marriage was becoming nothing more than a formality in the background.

Through everything that had happened lately I'd needed to know that he had my back and the sad truth was I'd had to rely on another man to keep me sane through all the trauma of the past few weeks. All the emotions I'd invested in this marriage seemed wasted and that cut me up inside.

I closed my eyes, and buried my head in my blanket clad knees. The faint aroma of aftershave and the smell that made Flack clung to it as I rubbed my nose against it. What the hell was I doing? I asked myself shaking my head, before resting it upon my knees, still staring at the door, still waiting.

What would I say when he come in? What could I say?

In the end I didn't matter because Flack never came home that night anyway, or the next night, or the next.

* * *

_Forest Angel: -Maddy-It is pretty damn interesting to say the least, and stroking our evilness will get you everywhere (bad). – Aph- lol we wanna see how far we can go with our evilness, we are bad, bad girls at the moment._

_Mustlovecat: -Maddy-Aphina does hot better than most, I am worried about keeping up with her! We like throwing our characters into dark places and watch them try to claw their way out. Gee, I wonder where Flack might just end up...or not...keep reading. –Aph- lol you'll have to wait and see. I haven't see your hot yet Maddy! Lol seriously though it has been fun writing this, because its so angsty and I don't usually write sex scenes._

_Bluehaven: -Maddy-Which is why we have to go off the beaten path, we don't want to injure anyone permanently! More evil and insanity is to come, because it is temporarily fun. –Aph- lol the pc defo would have exploded or the story would have gone way insane. Lol definitely not we like our chars we just need to mess up their lives a little bit._

_SparkyCSI: -Maddy-I just had that image in my head, the ink glistening, blood having so many meanings. I hope you continue to be surprised! –Aph- I hope so too. I loved that imagery too, it was really potent._

_Brown eyed Girl: -Maddy-Aw, shucks, and thanks, I wuv ewe 2! Naughty and evil is pretty much what this one is about, helps me in balancing fluff in other stories! –Aph- lol huggles! Glad you love us both and this story. It s fantastically naughty._


	7. Chapter 7: Whoa Nelly

Chapter Seven

_Well take a good look  
And tell me what you see  
I got a bad feeling about a thing or two  
And the way life's supposed to be  
With your ... life you choose _

_-"Tell What You See", Von Bondies_

Flack stiffened, not sure he deserved anyone's sympathy. "It's not like it's a big surprise, she pretty much told me this was coming". Flack looked like he was about to lash out at something again.

"Uh, Flack, why don't we move to the living room, where there are much softer surfaces to punch?" Gus suggested, grabbing both of their drinks.

Flack nodded in agreement, leading the way.

Gus sat their drinks down and joined Flack on the sofa.

Flack temporarily let go of the ice pack to take a long swallow of the whiskey, enjoying the burning sensation in his throat and chest.

Gus sat curled on the opposite end of the sofa, circling the rim of her glass absently.

"You ain't gonna try to make me talk?" Flack asked, staring at her.

Gus shook her head, her blond ponytail flying, "Not if you don't want to. I was about to watch some crappy movies and drown myself in ice cream when you knocked, so it's up to you". She pointed at the dvd cases and now half melted pint of Ben & Jerry's on the coffee table.

"Crap, I guess I owe you some ice cream", Flack remarked, taking in the sticky mess.

"I think I can let you slide this time", Gus replied stoically.

"I don't know how I got here, Gus", Flack said, looking more like a lost little boy than a tough New York cop.

Gus could feel her heart breaking; she had been there more times than anyone ever should be, your whole world out of control and no idea how to fix it.

"What did she say?" Gus asked, hoping she wasn't prying.

Flack sighed, the weight of the world on his shoulders, "That's just the thing, she didn't say anything, she wasn't even there. I tried calling but she won't answer. I called Danny and Cory and she wasn't there. I went to Matt's..."

Gus winced, unsure what Flack was going to say.

"He said she wasn't there, but I'm not so sure he wasn't covering for her, I mean where the hell else would she be?" Flack looked bewildered.

Gus had to agree, there weren't many places Carmen would go, but Matt's was the one place she was always going. She didn't voice this to Flack; however, instead she started picking at the fuzz on her pants, and shoving her bangs behind her ears.

"You think I'm right, don't you?" Flack questioned.

Gus gave a noncommittal shrug, suddenly hurrying to pick up the ice cream container so she could retreat to the kitchen for a minute.

"Crap", Gus swore, tipping the container into the trash, though it had nothing to do with the waste of ice cream. She knew from both parties that things hadn't been the best between the couple for some time.

Gus felt torn, she was friends with Carmen, and she wanted the best for her friends. But Flack was her partner and that bond went far deeper than the one of friendship, gender lines aside. Flack had her back, always and with no question and she returned the favor. This time would be no different, but Gus knew she was going to end up feeling like she was stuck in the middle.

Not to mention the fact that she had been having some very unprofessional dreams about her partner as of late. She had chalked it up to all the time they had been spending together working on the mob case and the fact that she hadn't gotten laid in far too long. Gus had hoped to be taking care of that earlier, but like most things in her life it went horribly awry.

* * *

Now she had to deal with her vulnerable and dejected partner currently moping in her living room. She grabbed the bottle of whiskey and headed back into the living room. "Figured whiskey was better on a night like tonight over ice cream anyways", Gus said, happy to see Flack return her small smile.

* * *

"Why don't the criminals never this dumb in real life?" Flack asked as the villains on screen painted themselves into a corner.

"Because then we wouldn't get the fun of tearing them a new one in interrogation?" Gus suggested.

Flack nodded, "Yeah, that is pretty damn fun".

Then his whole body slouched, he took his wedding ring off his finger and began spinning it on the coffee table, "But this, this is not fun".

Flack ran his hand through his hair, "I thought we were gonna be forever, ya know, the whole 'til death do you part thing?"

Gus just nodded, letting him talk it out.

"I mean, maybe part of me figured that death thing might happen sooner than we might like because of our jobs. And I knew it wasn't gonna be easy, I mean you know all the statistics on cops marriages. But I thought it would be better because Carmen would know what I was going through. I wouldn't have to feel guilty not telling about my day and what horrors I had seen or feel even worse for actually telling her". Flack took another pull of whiskey, topping off both their glasses.

He continued, "We went through a hell of a lot just getting married. But we got there and then we had Thomas and I thought that meant everything was going to be great".

Gus couldn't help but interject on that one, "Getting married and having a kid isn't some magical fix, Flack. Just because something looks good on paper or is something you are supposed to do doesn't mean it is going to be easy".

She studied him for a long moment, hating that his eyes were so full of pain. "You'll get through this, you'll figure it out and you'll survive no matter what the outcome".

"How can you be so sure of that?"

"Because I know you, down to the core of you and you ain't a quitter, so even if thing don't work out how the picture book you read in kindergarten said, it doesn't mean you won't be fine, Don Flack".

"You're a damn good partner, Broussard".

"I should be, otherwise my daddy would be spinning in his grave".

"He probably had you yelling Semper Fi en utero", Flack joked.

"Probably, but I am sure you heard all the same crap I did growing up about the brotherhood bond and the blue line", Gus said with an eye roll.

Flack puffed up, "I like to think it's not crap".

"Fine, not crap but gender biased".

"You win on that one".

"Of course I do", Gus said, clinking her glass against the one Flack was tilting toward her.

* * *

"I am not saying you need to leave", Gus started in as another movie ended, "but do you think you should go home?"

Flack considered it for a moment, "Do I have to?"

"I am not your mother, Donnie boy", Gus snorted.

"What if she isn't there?" Flack asked.

"Or are you worried if she is?" Gus countered.

Flack poured another drink, "No, I already know she isn't going to be. Carmen's stubborn and she's already made up her mind".

Gus looked from his glass to the now empty bottle, "Whatever you decide, I can tell you, you ain't driving, sugar".

"You drank half!" Flack protested.

"Which is still leaves a ton of whiskey".

"How are you not drunk?" he asked.

Gus propped herself up on an elbow from where she had been curled up on the couch, "I am good at hiding it; frankly I'm drunk off my ass now, why do you think I haven't stood up?"

Flack had to laugh, "Good point" he said, flipping through the channels. "There is nothing on!" he whined.

"Probably because it is 3am", Gus pointed out.

"Do you mind if I crash here?" Flack asked with pleading eyes. "

You know you don't even have to ask, Flack" Gus said, "Whatever-"

"Whenever, wherever", Flack finished up, "I know, I know, but I still appreciate it".

"Good to know; now I am going to go appreciate my bed and in the morning, I am going to appreciate you buying me breakfast. So night, blue eyes", Gus said, pulling herself to sitting and kissing him on the cheek.

"Night, sunshine", Flack said as she slowly stood.

* * *

Gus had made it almost to the doorway of her bedroom before the full force of the whiskey hit and she wavered.

"Whoa, Gus", Flack said, jumping up to steady her, but not being steady himself, he knocked them both into door frame, leaving Gus on the floor.

"Though it was 'whoa Nelly' and I did tell you I was drunk off my ass", Gus said with a sardonic smile.

Flack grinned back, "Yeah, and you also told me you were good at hiding it", he said hauling her to her feet.

Still not able to find her center of gravity, especially when being hauled to her feet, Gus caught hold of Flack's shirt to steady herself.

Flack gripped her upper arms, "We are both gonna hurt tomorrow", he said looking into her eyes.

Gus just nodded, trying to tell herself to let go of Flack's shirt and to ignore the obvious heat between them.

Flack wasn't sure why he leaned in and kissed her, all he knew is that as Gus grabbed his shirt and he gripped her arms, it was nice to be in a situation where both parties were needed and wanted. He also couldn't deny the fact that there was a beautiful woman right in front of him that was going to back him no matter what.

Not to mention the fact that they were both drunk and each had one hell of an emotional night.

Whatever might have been going through either of their heads was ignored by the meeting of their lips.

Flack moved his hands up from Gus' arms to her neck, his hands tangling in her blond hair as he deepened their kiss.

Gus' hands let go of Flack's shirt in order to circle around his back, feeling the muscles tensing there as he slid his tongue into her mouth. Gus moaned low in her throat as Flack moved up against her, his hardness evident through their clothing.

It wasn't until the moved backwards through the room, tongues probing at each other's mouths, hands clumsily exploring, collapsing in a tangle on the bed that Gus broke away, horrified that she was seconds away from the point of no return.

"Flack, stop!"

Flack broke of the heated kiss, taking in her flush face, tousled hair, and swollen lips as he suppressed a shiver. He blinked slowly, as if coming to, realizing how close he had just come to sleeping with not only someone who wasn't his wife, but his partner.

He sat up with a start, and then dropped his head into his hands. "Shit, Gus, I'm sorry", he moaned into his hands.

Gus pulled herself up beside him, sobering quickly. "No, Flack, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have kissed back, it's just been a rough night. But I think you need to get out of my bedroom before we go somewhere we can't come back from".

Flack nodded, not saying anything.

"See you in the morning, Flack" Gus called to his retreating figure, knowing she was going to be up the rest of the night kicking herself.

She just wasn't sure if it was going to be for kissing Flack or for stopping it.

_**Thanks for your support so far, we really appreciate it!**_

_mustlovecat: -M- Of course where else would he go ;) and I can't take any credit for the non-dialogue, other than to say Aphina pushes me to be a better writer compared to her nonspeaking bits! – Aph- lol I'm not always that good at non dialogue it' just when a scene clicks together, it works for you and that's how this scene did. lol I'm glad you enjoyed it, it all just pieced together really well._

Bluehaven: -M- Sad is going to be a repeating theme in this, me thinks. Interesting idea, I don't think I would have the heart for it, though. –Aph- lol I couldn't write it either, I think kids should be exempt form that kind of harm until it's definite.So you won't be seeing too much Thomas in this story.

sparky: -M-I know, it is so easy to just be po'ed at everyone. Evil, evil, evil! Glad to hear about your dad! :) – Aph- glad your dad's better at least that's something. Lol the truth in the story is that there is no bad guy, it's just a bunch of people stuck in a very screwed up situation.

katy: -M-Once again, can't take credit for this one, but thanks for the review.-Aph - lol Thanks Kate! That's what I was going for.


	8. Chapter 8: Unspecial Delivery

Chapter Eight

_It could all be so simple  
But you'd rather make it hard  
Loving you is like a battle  
And we both end up with scars  
Tell me, who I have to be _

_-"Ex-Factor" Lauryn Hill_

After six hours of staring at the ceiling and perhaps two if restless sleep, Gus gave up the fight and padded into the kitchen to make coffee. Flack was dead to the world, snoring slight on the couch, his head under a throw pillow. Gus stared at the coffee dripping into the pot. What had she been thinking kissing her partner, her married partner? Forget the fact that he was always there for her, knew every last one of her secrets, trusted her with his life, and was amazingly sexy...

"Stop it", Gus growled at herself, pouring a cup and drinking it down hot and black, wincing as she did so. Ignore that his is a great catch and his wife is filing for divorce, Gus admonished herself, he is you partner at work, you two are professionals and last night was just a drunken mistake, a one time thing and nothing to get all worked up about.

Gus squared her shoulders and began pulling food out of the fridge to make breakfast. She was in the process of not splattering bacon grease on herself when Flack wandered into the kitchen, looking exhausted and worn.

"I thought I was buying you breakfast", Flack croaked as he helped himself to a mug of coffee.

"Figured neither of us would be fit to go out and get it", Gus said, avoiding looking directly at him, intent instead on flipping an egg.

"I think I may be getting to old to drink that much", Flack admitted, spooning mounds of sugar into his coffee.

"That makes two of us", Gus sighed, pulling out plates and silverware.

They ate in silence for a while, each in their own thoughts, each wondering if they should bring up the events of last night, each hoping that maybe they could just never talk about it again. "Er, so about last night", Flack said finally, not enjoying the quietness between them. Gus was many things, but quiet wasn't generally one of them.

"Damn it, Flack, I was hoping we would just never have to talk about it", Gus exclaimed, spearing her food angrily.

Flack rolled his eyes, "I know how ya love to ignore stuff."

"Only bad stuff or weird stuff", Gus admitted, her brow wrinkling.

"My point is, I overstepped my bounds, and I am sorry for that, I never shoulda"-

Gus caught Flack off, "I shouldn't have either, we were drunk and we both had really crappy nights, it was a mistake. But no harm, no foul, OK?"

Flack studied Gus for a long moment, her eyes wide and her expression serious. He had no reason not to agree with her, everything she had said was true. "OK", Flack agreed finally.

Gus broke into a smile, "Good, then let's never speak of this again".

She slid off her barstool, "I am going to make you do the dishes though".

Flack looked at the wreck of a kitchen and groaned, "Fine. But it would have been easier to just buy you breakfast".

* * *

Later, Gus wandered out to the living room, where Flack was flipping through channel aimlessly. Gus stood there, twisting her hair and chewing on her lip as she debated what to say.

"I ain't dying, sunshine, so would ya quit looking at me like that?" Flack growled as he caught Gus staring at him.

"Crap, Flack, I'm sorry" Gus sighed, sinking down on the sofa beside him, "there isn't exactly a 'sorry your wife is planning on divorcing you for doing your job' card down at the Hallmark, ya know?"

Flack could help but snicker, "Maybe it is beside the 'hopefully your next date won't leave you linked to your bed' cards".

Gus shook her head, snorting back her own laughter. "God we are a mess".

"Pretty damn much", Flack agreed.

"You planning on hiding out here all weekend?" Gus asked as soon as they both stopped laughing. Flack looked slightly bashful but didn't say anything. Gus rolled her eyes, "You want to play that game? Fine, Flack, you can hide out here if you want to".

"As long as it isn't a problem", Flack countered, looking relieved.

Flack did hide out at Gus' all weekend, even if he did feel guilty for not going home and not checking in on Thomas. But he felt like he had a hell of a lot to sort through, not to mention he had to figure just what the hell was up with Carmen before he attempted to have a discussion with her anywhere near their son. Gus was a gracious hostess, even if the sweats she had were from a guy at the NYFD and she did force him out to take a jog in Central Park, claiming if he didn't get fresh air he would begin to rot. She was also patient, not forcing him to talk, but willing to listen to him when he did.

"You keep feeding me like this, and I ain't gonna leave", Flack commented after shoving away his plate on Sunday evening.

"Oh no, buddy, this is a limited time offer. I can't afford to feed you. And you use up all the hot water and hog the remote. This girl lives alone for a reason", Gus remarked.

"Other than having a knack for brining home crazies or babies?" Flack teased. "One more crack outta you and I am not giving you dessert", Gus warned.

* * *

The weekend ended a few short hours later, on a call out to a scene in the meatpacking district. Flack and Gus both grimaced as they pulled up to the scene.

"I didn't know there were any slaughterhouses actually still left down here", Gus remarked, holding her arm over her sleeve.

It wasn't until the stood over the body of a rotund man with a meat hook protruding from his head that they both had the same thought. There eyes met in a silent question just as they heard Stella's voice behind them. Gus saw Flack relax visibly and wondered what his reaction would be when he inevitably did run into Carmen.

"Of all the gin joints down here, we had to get called out to the one slaughterhouse", Stella joked, her nose wrinkling slightly.

"Did you know that there used to be over 250 slaughterhouses and processing plants down here a century ago?" another voice added, from behind them, accompanied by the flash of a camera.

"Why am I not surprised you know that, Shel?" Gus said with a smirk.

"I am going to go talk to the security guard who found this guy", Flack remarked, hitching his thumb toward a man who looked to have one foot in the ground already.

"And I think I am going to see if anyone out in the fresh air happened to see anything", Gus remarked, heading back to the street.

"I said stop, police, you asshole", Gus yelled as she ran after the man who ran as soon as he saw her badge. He took off into the alleyway behind the slaughterhouse, where massive piles of waste stood waiting to be picked up. The smell was ten times worse, and Gus could feel bile rising in her throat.

The man reached a dead end and turned coming running back towards her. Gus moved to block him, as he impacted into her. Sliding backwards on slimy waste, Gus pulled them both into a pile of bags full of parts of animals better left unknown.

"Listen, jerk wad, not only are you under arrest for assaulting a police officer, but you also are gonna be paying my dry cleaning bill", Gus yelled as she hauled the man to his feet and cuffed him.

"Jesus, Gus!" Flack remarked, coming around the corner with Hawkes and a uniform on his heels.

After shoving the guy at the uniform, Gus looked down at herself, flesh and blood covering her from head to toe. "I'm going to have to burn this suit, aren't I?" she asked trying to not breathe.

* * *

"Hell, I think you might have to burn yourself", Flack said handing her a handkerchief at arms length. Gus took it and wiped off her face, this was not starting out to be a good day. Flack shook his head, "How about you head back to the precinct and, well I don't know what you can do, but start without about twelve showers and and I'll finish up here".

Gus scrubbed her skin until it was beyond raw. She disposed of her clothes and finally convinced herself that she no longer smelled like a rotting carcass by the time she sat down at her desk with a welcome cup of coffee from one of the other homicide guys.

"Only you, Broussard", he said with a hearty laugh.

"Thanks, Parker", Gus said, wondering who had ended up having process the runner and feeling sorry for them.

"Is there a Detective Flack here?" a harried looking courier said from the doorway, struggling to get his bike through the door. Gus looked at the man quizzically, wondering if it was connected to their case.

"He's still out in the field, I'm his partner, can I help you?"

The man nodded, looking at his watch and hurriedly scrawling something on his clipboard, "Yeah, sign for this" he said, shoving a large envelope and a pen at her. Gus immediately felt her stomach sink as she caught the embossed address on the corner of the envelope. "Thanks" the courier said, rushing off.

"You're not welcome" she growled, collapsing into her chair, the envelope from a well-known divorce attorney clouding her desk. "I'll give you this Carmen, you don't fuck around", she said to herself and wished her coffee was something stronger.

"Oh good, you don't still smell. I gotta say I was a little worried you still would, sunsh-" Flack stopped mid word as he saw Gus sitting at her desk, angrily tapping her pen against a file folder. Her skin was pale, but her cheeks flushed. "What's up?" Flack asked, sitting on his side of the desks and leaning in.

Gus swallowed, not able to form words, shoved the envelope towards him with her pen. Flack took it, spotting the same address Gus had. His eyes immediately turned gunmetal gray.

Gus watched as his jaw tightened as he tore into the envelope. Her eyes grew wide as he scanned the papers with veins starting to throb on his forehead. "Flack?" she squeaked out, afraid he was about to have an aneurysm. "I guess she wasn't bluffing, huh?" Flack roared as he went storming off towards the crime lab.

* * *

_**Only three reviews? I'm pouting here people; we're working our asses off on this. So please let us know what you think by way of R&R.**_

_Forest Angel: -M-We aim to please, and hook you. We are literary crack dealers. –Aph- Glad your liking it, we aim to please and we've done something right if your hooked._

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Bluehaven: -M-I know I didn't want Thomas in the middle for sure! Ice cream fixes everything. As for remembering, you will just have to stay tuned! –Aph- Ice cream is definitely the way to go. I'm glad your enjoying this. We decided to keep Thomas out of his parents fighting and such._

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sparkyCSI: -M-"Whoa nelly" lol! Poor everyone really! –Aph- lol I feel bad for them all!_


	9. Chapter 9: Divorce Proceedings

Chapter Nine

_Pucker up for heavens sake.  
There's never been so much at stake._

_Every me and every you.  
Every me and every you,_

_Placebo – Every Me and Every You_

The lab was quiet as I hunched over the display table, studying the crime scene pictures in front of me. There was something wrong with the blood spatter, like it wasn't where it was supposed to be. I was concentrating hard leaning close to the table thoughtfully, when I heard the door open and slam shut so hard the glass rattled. My head shot up as I frowned at the person who'd disturbed me.

I straightened up, one hand on my hip to face Flack head on as he waved a bunch of papers in my face.

"What the hell are you trying to do to me?" he spat throwing the divorce papers on the table in front of me.

"Me? What about you?! I warned you this would happened, why are you even surprised?" I snapped.

"About the fact you're trying to divorce me and take full custody of Thomas, what the hell are you playing at? I don't need this right now," he seethed.

I rolled my eyes shaking my head.

"I'm sorry, I forgot that this was all about you." I mocked, shuffling up the papers away from my crime scene photos.

"Forget that your son hasn't seen you in over two weeks and did you even remember that I was going to court a week ago, or did that slip your mind?" I questioned feeling the anger rise inside me.

"Matt was there, I had something…" I cut him off.

"Matt shouldn't have had to be there, it should have been you supporting me not him. At least I know where I stand in your list of priorities," I snarled, feeling sick to my stomach.

"You have no idea what the hell is going on in my life Carmen, how hard everything is right now."

I turned to face him, our gazes locking.

"You know what, I don't want to know." I said wearily. "Really I don't."

Flack stared at me stunned.

"I'm tired Flack, I mean really tired of being the only one that seems to be trying to make this marriage work. You've been a ghost the past few weeks, you haven't been home in two days, and you didn't turn up when I begged you to, after I warned you that this was the breaking point. I'm done with this, I've tried." I picked up the papers off the table and handed them to him.

"The ball was in your court and you screwed it up." And with that I peeled off my latex gloves and stalked out of the lab to find somewhere a little more private to tend to my battered heart and guilty conscious.

--

* * *

It was the end of shift and I was still reeling from my own confrontation with Flack. Despite what I had said I wasn't sure divorce was what I wanted. On top of that our argument had spread around the station house and labs like wildfire. I'd had enough of the stress and whispers, as soon as I stepped out of the elevator I found myself blinking back the tears that I'd been holding back all day.

"Hey." I raised my head at the sound of Matt's warm voice feeling exasperated.

I raised my hand to stop him from speaking.

"If you came here to talk, I really don't have the energy right now," I warned him, wrapping my arms around myself feeling bitter and sad.

Matt frowned shaking his head, and studying my face.

"I didn't come to talk, are you ok?" he questioned as I raised my gaze towards him.

All my defences began to crumble as I set my mouth in a grim smile.

"I don't know," I whispered.

Matt slipped his arm around my shoulders, I leaned against him sniffing, his lips brushed my hairline gently.

"Come on let's get out of here, I'll take you out for some decent coffee and if you wanna talk you can if not." He shrugged. "No big deal."

Feeling safe and secure under Matt's embrace I nodded my agreement before letting him guide me outside and into the sunshine.

--

* * *

The café was a wonderful little cubby-hole, tucked away from the main streets of the city. Matt managed to get us a window seat. I leaned back in my seat watching people go by as I stirred my coffee absently. I could feel Matt's eyes on me.

"How did you find this place?" I asked trying to divert his attention.

Matt was looking down into his mug with a small smile.

"When Elena and I broke up, I used to wonder around the city for hours just pondering over things, I wound up here one night and I've been coming here ever since, me and Mr Giovanni have become friends." He said nodding towards the owner.

I swallowed hard, twisting the wedding band on my finger.

"Do you…do you think you did the right thing?" I questioned quietly.

Matt wrapped his hands around his coffee cup, staring down into it. It took him a few minutes to answer.

"At the time I wasn't sure, I think when it comes to these things your never sure until you've done it…" he looked torn for a second before sipping his coffee and continuing, his hazel eyes were on mine. "If you're asking me whether I think you're making the right decision? I'd say you were doing the right thing."

I closed my eyes momentarily nodding. I wasn't so sure any more. This was throwing away a lifetime.

"I'm scared." I whispered, rubbing my hands over my face before resting them back on the table, in front of me.

Matt reached out taking my small ones in his warm large hands. The expression on his face kindly as his thumb traced my knuckles.

"Everything will turn out fine. I promise." He murmured his eyes on my face again.

I turned my head away back to the window. I was finding it incredibly hard to actually believe him.

* * *

_**We like it when you read and review! We hope your enjoying this specimen of evil.**_

_Brown eyed Girl: -Maddy-Don't worry, Gus has her hands in things. ;) Glad you are loving it! –Aph- lol you'll have to wait and see what happens, lol Thanks for the review!_

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Forest Angel: -Maddy-Good to see you still hooked. I think this story will continue to have tons of sparks. –Aph- lol thanks we both worked really hard on this story and I love it! Of course sparks will fly._

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Bluehaven: -Maddy-But I am a master pouter! :P Thanks for the review, and there is plenty of story still to come. –Aph- But I pout just for you! Lol you just got your answer._

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Sparky: -Maddy-I should really proofread better, sorry! Stinking auto word complete.Glad it didn't stop you from being hooked! –Aph- As you know I am the queen of mistakes. Mwhahhahah! We will keep you hooked forever!_

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mustlovecat: -Maddy-Glad you caught up. Gus is clearly a better woman than I. Fabulous stuff still coming between all characters! –Aph- lol Gus is way a better girl than I am too, I would have been on him in a second. lol we can promise it gets better!_

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Joanne: -Maddy-Another glad you are still with us. This road still has plenty of twists and turns, but I am pretty sure we both want Thomas safe and happy! –Aph- I think it's almost a salute to everyone that's ever had that little niggling what f thought. I'm glad your enjoying it! We're having great fun writing this._


	10. Chapter 10: Never Say Die

Chapter Ten

_Sunday's satisfaction, Monday's home and dry  
Truth is on the doorstep, welcome in the lie  
All dressed up in sorrow, got no place to go  
Hold back, till it's ready, taking it slow_

_Don't they ever have to worry?  
Don't you ever wonder why?  
It's a part of me that tells you  
Oh, don't you ever, don't ever say die  
Never say die again _

_-"Never say die", Black Sabbath_

"How did it go?" Gus inquired as Flack came storming back to the pit, their colleagues trying desperately to not appear like they were listening in.

Flack growled low in his throat, his fists clenched.

"That good, huh?" Gus raised an eyebrow.

"She's not listening, said the ball was in my court and I fucked up", Flack said with an angry shake of his head.

"You explain it was my fuck up and not yours?"

Flack continued to shake his head, "I am not brining you into this".

Gus snorted slightly, "Pu-lease, blue eyes, I am sunk to my neck in this swamp, rest of the team ain't too far behind either".

"Not if I can help it", Flack countered.

"Then I suggest you two keep your battles out of the precinct and lab then", Gus not so helpfully pointed out.

Flack's whole body slumped, his eyes weary and full of sadness, "What am I gonna do, Gus?"

His voice was so despondent, Gus felt her heart crumble. "First we are going to leave here so there isn't a pool started regarding the state of your marriage". Gus stopped and looked pointedly at a suddenly sheepish looking man, "Yeah, Thatcher, I am talking to you". She turned back to Flack, and we are going to go get some coffee and talk about this.

* * *

"What am I gonna do?" Flack repeated.

"What do you want to do?" Gus asked.

"Have my wife not running to an attorney to fix our marriage by killing it", Flack grumbled.

"So you want to fix it?" Gus pushed.

Flack nodded, "I think so, I just don't know if it can be. I know I somehow screwed up, but I just don't get why it's such a big thing. Carmen keeps saying it's all about me, but it isn't! I don't know how to get her to see that it is about the city, it's about every one of us, it's the job. I thought I was safe marrying a cop!"

"Marrying a cop isn't a magical fix, Flack, you knew it was going to be tough before you said 'I do', but you did it, you made a commitment. And I know you, you want to stand by that, you always honor your promises, it's what makes you one of the few good guys out there", Gus said, patting Flack on the hand, trying to ignore the loudness of the diner.

"I just feel like everything is so messed up and neither of us is really sure of what we want. I just want things to slow down, I just need time", Flack professed.

"Make time", Gus said with finality.

"What?" Flack looked bewildered.

Gus wrinkled her nose in thought. "Tell Carmen to cool her jets on the divorce thing and take a separation. I had plenty of couples separate for a bit when I was practicing. Cops especially. Just because your an adult doesn't mean you don't need a good time out every once and a while".

"You think she'll go for that?"

Gus shrugged, "Can't hurt to try. Besides, I don't think she wants to throw away your marriage any more than you do. It isn't like this is about one of you sleeping with someone else".

"Well I wasn't", Flack said acridly.

Gus raised her eyebrows, not wanting to touch this one with a pirogue pole.

Flack continued bitterly, "I still wonder about her and Matt. You never did answer me, do you think she went over there Friday night?"

Gus didn't know how to answer this without making things worse, she had her own doubts, but she was hoping it was just her cynical side, that Carmen was stronger than that. "I wasn't there, Flack, I didn't see Matt. But you are going to have to give her some trust if this thing has a chance in hell of working itself out. You just need to try to have a rational conversation with her".

Flack nodded slowly, taking a long sip out of his cup of coffee.

"And Flack?" Gus added looking at him gravely.

"Yeah Gus?"

"It means you have to go home to do that", she ended with a small smile.

"You kickin' me out?"

"For now", Gus said throwing a couple of bills on the table and walking out with a wave, "take some lost time, Flack, I'll cover for ya."

Flack sat for a long time thinking about what the hell he should do. Finally he pushed back from the table, knowing that whatever ended up happening, it wasn't going to happen without him at least trying to talk to Carmen.

"Never say die, right?" he said to himself as he headed towards home.

* * *

_**Thanks for the reviews, we appreciate them. R & R makes us happy because we like knowing what you think of the story, especially when we work so hard on it.**_

_sparky: -M-I hope you mean hard in a good way, lol! And believe me I am hooked on this thing and I am half writing it! –Aph- lol I know what you mean, when it's your own writing you tend to overlook things. Glad we are keeping you entertained, its been really fun to write!_

_  
mustlovecat: -M-The whole thing is heartbreaking, but sadly realistic. Glad you are along for the ride. –Aph- It is heart wrenching because she doesn't know why he's being the way he is hence why she's seeking comfort else where. Well this is the road less traveled._

_  
Bluehaven: -M-But the pouting worked! takes chocolate chip, doesn't eat 'dead' fruit Thanks, congrats and more to come! –Aph- Chomps on a choc chip cookie, for some reason I can't eat raisins because the way they look. Saying that I have eaten a ridiculous amount of fudge over the last day and a half. Don't be driving yourself too crazy and congrats!_

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BrowneyedGirl: -M-It is good to see evil appreciated! Especially since I know this story has been hard to write. –Aph- lol it's been a journey I'm telling you it's amazing to see what else you can do with the chars. Lol it's evil at it's best!_

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Leena7: -M-While you may have missed a lot, this story is a tie in more to Aphina's Devine stories, not my What It Means or The Saints Aren't Coming. In WIMS, Gus and Flack are still happy together. In SACs, it is as canon as an OC story can get. I hope you come back to those, but thanks for reading this one! –Aph- I think Maddy explained it all to you. I borrowed Gus for my story and she's became a main char. Glad your reading this though._

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JoanneF: -M- You'll just have to wait and see what we have to throw at you, but it will be gripping at the very least! –Aph- lol I'm glad it's affecting you so much! It means we're writing well! You'll have to wait and see, remember it's a "what if" so anything can happen._


	11. Chapter 11: A Truce

Chapter Eleven

_Running, down corridors through, automatic doors  
Got to get to you, got to see this through  
First night of your life, curled up on your own  
Looking at you now, you would never know_

I see it in your eyes, I see it in your eyes  
You'll be alright

_Athlete – Wires_

I pushed my key into the lock, feeling tired and dejected. I hated the idea of coming back to an empty apartment yet again. I'd almost taken Matt up on the offer of him keeping me company, yet I chided myself, I needed time alone to recuperate and gather my thoughts.

I pushed open the door, looking up, surprised to see the lights in the kitchen on and Flack standing over the stove cooking. He glanced at me over his shoulder, his eyes lingering on me for a second too long before reverting his attention back to the task at hand.

"You want dinner?" his voice was cold and distant.

"What are you making?" I asked quietly dropping my bag on to the couch, before leaning against the back of it, eyes on Flack's back.

He'd been home a while from what I could see. His silky dark hair was damp and he was clad in jeans and the navy NYPD t-shirt that fit him just right.

"Pasta." He stated. "I made enough for two, so if you want it later I can put it in the fridge."

We were two strangers occupying the same space; we didn't know how to talk to each other. The words that needed to be said settled in-between us, the growing awkwardness eating away at both of us.

"I'll eat now." I replied softly.

Dinner was a silent affair; we sat across from each other, each focusing on our meals, and determined not to let our gazes meet. I was afraid of what he'd see in mine if we did.

"I think we should talk about the divorce papers." Flack stated, I could tell by his tone he meant business, which automatically put me on the defensive.

I pushed the plate of food I'd been toying with away from me, and clasped my hands together, focusing on them.

"O.K."

"Is divorce really the answer?" he asked quietly.

I was staring at my wedding ring twisting it on my finger, thoughtfully.

"I don't know", I responded honestly.

"I get the fact I made you mad when I was late showing up here the other night…" Flack began.

I cut him off shaking my head.

"I was more hurt than mad, I think it shows that you're putting the job first and I don't think that's really fair. I can do the split shifts and the crime scenes, and the calls at three am in the morning but I can't do you not being there for me. I don't feel like I can rely on you any more because you're never there when I need you."

Flack sighed, I rose my gaze to see him turning his head away from me jaw clenching.

"You haven't seen Thomas in a while now, and he has been asking for you…"

"And you think if we get divorced I'm going to see him a lot more then?!" Flack snapped back, his eyes flashing electric blue.

"No I don't but I don't know what else to do. I've tried to snap you out of it, I've tried talking to you, I've tried to save our marriage but you seemed to be making things pretty clear when you didn't show up the other night, and then vanished for the weekend." I shot back trying to keep my temper.

"Which leads me to where you were the other night." Flack stated raising an eyebrow, the full weight of his gaze on me.

I returned his stare, feeling enraged by his stubbornness.

"I was driving, I picked up Thomas and then came back here and waited for you to come home. I left here at half ten and got back here at around eleven forty five." I lied smoothly, not even flinching under the suspicion he was casting my way.

Part of me felt he deserved this, he deserved to know what it felt like to wonder where your partner is at a time you know they should be home. The other part of me felt sickened by that thought.

"So you didn't swing by Matt's at any point, while he was working out?" Flack questioned, a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

I frowned, shaking my head.

"You accusing me of something Flack?" I growled narrowing my eyes. "Because I think I should be asking you where you've just spent the weekend, or do I already know the answer to that question?"

"That has nothing to do with this." We were both on our feet now, yelling at each over the kitchen table.

"It has everything to do with this. You would rather have spent the weekend, hanging out with your partner than come home to be with your son and wife! If you're wondering about the divorce papers this is why!" My fists were clenched by my sides as I shouted at him. "You're putting your job and other people before your family and I am sick of it. I'm sick of being the only one trying to make this work, I'm sick of having to tell Thomas that I 'm sorry because his daddy isn't here to read him a bed time story and kiss him goodnight."

My eyes were glistening with tears now.

"I don't want to have to divorce you Don, but right now we're living two separate lives under the same roof and our son is starting to feel that something is wrong between mommy and daddy." I finished, sniffing and wiping the tears from my eyes angrily with my sleeve.

Flack's hands were clutching either side of the table now, his head bowed as he leaned over it.

"Scrap divorce, how about separation?" he said suddenly.

I blinked startled by his words. Flack tilted his head up towards me capturing me with his baby blue eyes.

"Divorce is too final…it's…it's not right. I gotta be honest with you, Princess, I don't think you know what you want, and I think you've tossed these divorce papers at me as a last resort to make me take note and listen."

I crossed my arms over my chest. I had to admit he had me there.

"I promise I'll try and make more of an effort to see the little guy. You still feel the same way in a few weeks time…" Flack shrugged. "You hand me the divorce papers and I'll sign them."

I closed my eyes momentarily, hating the fact he could be so dismissive about this. At the same time I knew he was right, I didn't know what I wanted maybe a separation would give me the time I needed to make a final decision. I also had to work out what I wanted from Matt.

"O.K. I can do separation." I told him nodding. "So how do we…"

I was interrupted by the sound of Flack's pager. I pursed my lips together and clenched my jaw as he studied it.

"I've got to go." Flack said simply, snatching his jacket off the top of the sofa and darting out the door.

As it slammed shut I realized he'd left me, yet again, all alone.

* * *

**_Thanks for the reviews! _**

**_Keep R&R, it makes us feel loved!_**

_Forest Angel: -Maddy-One of the things I love about writing is being able to make all these alternate realities. Gus is very good at telling Flack what to do, now if only she could get her own self in order! :) –Aph – lol we're finding ourselves constantly surprised by our chars actions. I love the fact we found away to write this storyline, the Matt/Carmen thing has been bugging the hell outta me.  
_

_Bluehaven: -Maddy-Aw thanks. She cracks my ass up a lot as well. I think this is one of those true to life situations where everyone is so caught up in their own stuff that they can't see the forest through the trees. –Aph- lol it is a situation a lot of people end up in, who knows what the out come will be.  
_

_BrowneyedGirl: -Maddy-I have too much fun being evil. But I love exploring this. Speaking of exploring different sides of things, I am sending you an email. –Aph- lol high five for evil and angst ridden stories!  
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_hardylover: -Maddy-I know there are many times I have sat back and gone "what if" so it is fun to play with that in a (mostly) consequence free way. Glad you are enjoying it and there is much more to come! –Aph- I'm glad you're enjoying this, we're putting a lot of hard work into it. It's been great fun playing with something that's been plaguing me like hell. Lol you'll have to wait and see what happens._


	12. Chapter 12: Compartments

* * *

Chapter Twelve

_Consider this a sign.  
This is a train in the night.  
And now it¹s time for you to go.  
You know you¹ve had a healthy life, boy.  
You walk this world like you¹re a ghost.  
Your hands are coming through the needles.  
Sick of your tragic and the evils_

_-"Prophecy" Remy Zero_

"Sorry", Gus said sheepishly, as Flack joined her at the crime scene, "I tried to convince dispatch to not call you".

Flack shook his head, "It's fine, it's-". He took a deep breath, "What do we know?"

"Another DB killed with a meat hook, this time in Battery Park, something tells me it might be connected to the last one. Not to mention my friend from the alley has been under surveillance by the boys over in organized crime", Gus hitched her finger over to the other detectives conferring by the tape.

"You thinking it is connected to Corleone Family?" Flack asked with eyebrows raised.

Gus gave him a small smile, "Isn't everything?" She continued with a look of distaste, "Of course, it means we have to play nice with them".

"Somehow, I think we will manage", Flack said, squeezing her shoulder.

"God I hope so", Gus sighed, walking off to talk to the organized crime detectives while Flack talked to the uniforms.

* * *

"Crap, I am tired, I need more coffee", Gus said the next day.

"Well we have been on this for," Flack glanced at his watch, "sixteen hours".

"With no damn leads", Gus snapped, slamming down the phone.

"What was that about no leads, Broussard? Poor little homicide detectives", one of the OC detectives said, coming in with a file folder and a look of triumph. "DA agreed to work with Bernardi, and suddenly he wants to start singing like a bird".

"What do you mean work with?" Gus asked, jumping up from her seat.

"Ya know, drop some charges".

"Like the assaulting a police officer charge, that what you mean Merles?" Gus asked, her voice rising.

Flack moved beside his partner, knowing she was still having to deal with the fallout from the slaughterhouse scene, his fellow detectives relentless in taunting her.

"Among others", Merles replied, sliding a toothpick in and out of his mouth, relaxed as can be.

"Whadya got, and it better be good", Flack said, moving in between the two and snatching at the file.

Merles yanked it out of the way, "Oh no way, junior, we are working together on this, you ain't taking all the glory for this one".

Flack growled, "Fine, were is he?" "Over in interrogation room 4".

"You gonna answer that?" Gus asked impatiently, raising the volume on the speaker in the observation room as Flack's phone continued to ring.

"It's Carmen, again", Flack said, hitting the ignore button one more time.

"Might be important", Gus said, refusing to look at him. Flack could see her displeasure in her jawline.

"Or might be her wanting to have another round since I had to leave while we were talking last night".

Gus tapped her pen against her memo book, "Damn, this is like watching paint dry, are they ever going to ask him about the homicides?"

"After they squeeze out what they need, leaving him good and pissed off for us", Flack replied.

"How did it go last night?"

Flack drew a deep breath, "I dunno. I think I might have convinced her to lay off the papers for a bit. We didn't really get a chance to get into the specifics".

Gus chewed her lip, "I am sorry about that, I could've handled the scene without you, but Loo said to call you in".

"And you should have, I needed to be at the scene. I'm not going to have my personal life get in the way of me doing my job". Flack's tone was more than a little annoyed.

"Oh really?" Gus said with an arched eyebrow as his phone started buzzing again.

Flack went to silence his phone again, but Gus snatched it out of its holster and said, "Answer it" as she pushed the talk button.

"Flack", he snapped, glaring at Gus.

"Yeah. Yeah. What? How? You OK? Good. No. We are re-questioning a suspect and OC would like nothing better than to steal the collar. Probably, but I'm not gonna ask her to. Why? Why?! Because I shouldn't have to, Carmen, you should have been more careful and you just said you were fine, are you lying to me now too?"

Gus stood frozen in place, staring through the glass at Bernardi and praying that Flack would take his conversation outside or just end it entirely. She hated overhearing his marital disputes and hated even more that she was being made part of it.

"Well then just have Matt take care of you then, he seems to enjoy that!" Flack said slamming his phone shut.

"What. Was. That?" Gus formed each word carefully, trying to keep her tone even.

"That was me not dropping my job to come running every time Carmen calls. I don't ask her to do that, she shouldn't ask me". Flack's anger was plainly written on his face.

"Whoa there, blue eyes, think about what you are saying", Gus cautioned, "what did she need?"

"She got hit by a car running after a suspect. It was nothing. It was stupid".

"You call getting hit by a car nothing and stupid? Jesus, Flack, I want to hit you with a car right now. You have to go be with her, take care of her". Gus looked very well like she wanted to cuff Flack upside the head.

"She's fine, she ran into it more than it ran into her. Just a coupla bruised ribs. Besides she already called Matt and he is on his way. Apparently it is a slow day for him". Flack voice was full of venom.

"I hope to god you know what you are doing", Gus said, tapping her foot against the concrete floor.

"Yeah, my job", Flack said, wrenching the door out of Detective Merles' hand as he came out to let them in.

"This is going to be fun", Gus muttered under her breath.

* * *

_**Hope you like the update! Maddy worked very hard on it! We like it when you R&R people!**_

_Bluehaven: -M-gobbles chocolate chip cooking in unlady like manner, damn South Beach Diet. We shall see on who gets what when. ;) –Aph- Chomps on whole pack! Your just gonna have to wait and see._

_  
sparky: -M-That is why we needed this story. As for what the future holds, you'll just have to keep reading! –Aph- lol for two secs I thought you wrote he was cuter on Friends I was about to fling stuff at ya. Anyway, you have a right to be mad._

_  
Joanne: -M-Who knows what is good for them? Surely not the evil things we are putting them through. I can't wait to see what we planned either. Happy reading! –Aph- Well you'll be hopefully surprised about what may or may not occur. Thanks for reading._


	13. Chapter 13: One More With Feeling

Chapter Thirteen

_When you run away from harm__,  
Will you run back into my arms,  
like you did when you were young?_

_Will you come back to me?_

I will hold you tightly  
when the hurting kicks in.

_Life is beautiful, but it's complicated,  
we barely make it._

_Vega 4 – Life Is Beautiful_

I was staring at my phone dumbfounded holding it between both my hands, clenching it tightly.

I was still having trouble comprehending what the hell had just happened. Red hot rage was boiling through my veins. My ribs were aching like hell, despite the pain meds that the Doc had prescribed. My grip tightened as his words rang in my ears...

"Do I need to take that off you before you snap it in half?" Matt called out, striding towards me, a worried expression on his face.

His hazel eyes were already on me taking an inventory of injuries. I slipped the phone into my back pocket still feeling a mixture of upset and fury.

"Are you ok?" he murmured. "I was so worried."

I found myself wrapped in his arms, pressed tightly against him, his lips kissed my hair line as I winced, pulling away.

"Bruised ribs," I muttered through my clenched jaw.

I turned my head away, blinking back tears of frustration and pain. Matt reached out and cupped my chin, guiding my gaze back to meet his.

"He's not coming is he?" Matt asked directly.

I wrapped my arms around myself and shook my head, looking crestfallen. Matt's hands rested on my shoulders gently.

"Carmen, this is getting ridiculous." He said quietly, frowning at me in pity.

I looked away before shrugging him off.

"Just get me out of here." I whimpered.

Matt hung his head for a second before nodding. His hand was on the small of my back as he guided me through the automatic double doors. I couldn't explain the immense feeling of loneliness that was plaguing me. My heart was breaking into a million pieces, my body ached all over and I couldn't shake the sadness that wracked me.

I sniffed feeling overwhelmed as everything hit me at once. My eyes began to well up. Matt's head twisted to look at me as I tried to wipe the tears away frantically. From the look on his face I knew that he'd seen everything.

"Sorry it's just everything that's happened today, I guess its shock." I tried to tell him, feeling the shakes coming on.

Matt reached out brushing the tears from my cheeks with his thumb, before cupping my face in both of his hands and leaning in closely. His hands slid down to my arms.

"You never have to apologize to me." He spoke sincerely, before brushing his lips against mine chastely.

"Let me take care of you tonight." He said softly, tracing the curve of my face with his fingers.

I swallowed hard before giving in. I needed someone right now. Someone who was going to look after me, someone to hold me and just tell me I was going to be ok.

Matt took my hand gently in his before pulling me in the direction of his car.

* * *

I was curled up on Matt's couch, my eyes on the TV, not really seeing. A million things were running through my head right now. I couldn't get the sound of Flack's voice out of head.

Matt dropped down next to me. His hand began to run through my hair as he spoke.

"I've ran you a hot bath, there's fluffy towels on the back of the door and I've left you one of my shirts underneath them." He told me.

I knew he was worried, I had barely spoken a word since we'd arrived. I'd also barely touched the food that he'd made me earlier. I'd simply curled up on the couch, eyes on the television, numb.

"Thank you." I murmured

I climbed to my feet and locked myself inside the bathroom. My eyes took in the candles that Matt had set, in carefully selected places around the bathroom. It looked different in the candle light. I put a hand to my head wondering how the hell I'd ended up in another man's romantically lit bathroom.

I shed my clothes before glancing at the wedding band on my hand, it's Celtic design was unique to mine and Flack's rings, a small but romantic gesture reminding me of exactly how much we'd been through before we'd got actually managed to get married.

The events of today made it feel null and void now. I sighed slipping it off my finger for the first time in a long time before I sunk into the lovely hot water, the bubbles rising up to my neck. The heat began to sooth my aching muscles, the bruises from where the car had hit me were already decorating my skin. I was in there for a long time, my eyes closed as I shooed away the only nagging guilt that pursed me. I deserved this, I deserved to be loved and wanted, and Flack wasn't even pretending that he liked me at the current moment.

Eventually I managed pull myself out of the water reluctantly. After drying myself, I donned Matt's oversized t-shirt, picked up my clothes and left the bathroom, to throw my clothes on the floor in Matt's room.

I paused in the doorway, watching him as he flicked through the channels on the television. Sensing my eyes on him, he twisted his head towards me. His gaze took in the sight of me before him, roving from my face down to my bare legs. The t-shirt barely brushed the tops of my thighs. He stood up stretching, before he tread towards me.

"That looks painful." He stated, pointing at the bruising running up from my shin to my thigh.

"It is." I murmured as he stood in front of me, his eyes on mine as his warm hands rested on my hips.

"Do your ribs look like that?" he asked cautiously, his fingers had slipped lower now, playing with the hem of the shirt.

"Take a look." I dared him.

Matt raised the t-shirt gently with his warm hands. His eyes fell on the purple and black impact bruising that was forming across my left side.

"Wow." He murmured letting the t-shirt drop, covering my body again.

I felt my self confidence begin to shatter.

"It looks awful doesn't it?" I sighed.

I shivered as Matt's fingers traced the bruising that spread up my thigh lightly.

I raised my head as he looked down at me; Matt scanned my face, reading the question in my gaze.

"I'm not going to hurt you." He whispered.

I knew he meant both mentally and physically. Just by looking in his eyes I could see how angry he was at Flack for putting me through this and driving me into his arms, at the same time he was glad.

Matt's hand reached out, caressing my face before he leaned in, capturing my lips. His kiss was soft and gentle as his hands ran up my thighs, his fingers ran over my panties and gently over the impact bruising, causing me to shiver. Our kisses were longer now, and were becoming more feverish as Matt's hands traced down my back and over my buttocks before his fingers clasped the hem of the shirt again.

Matt was lifting the t-shirt over my head. It tickled the curves of my body before it fell to the floor. I ran my hands up his chest, my fingers playing over the taunt muscles as he peeled his own t-shirt off. His coarse hands were roaming my body, firm but gentle as they caressed up my back, sending tingles throughout my body. Red hot heat was rushing through me, as his tongue probed the inside of my mouth, his hands mingling in my hair as our body's pressed together, the skin on skin contact driving me wild and making me wet.

Matt's fingertips toyed with the top of my panties tantalizing me with unspoken promises. My hands were undoing the top button of his jeans, desperate and wanting. I was already soaking wet when he dropped to his knees in front of me. His hands grabbed my ass pulling me firmly to him as he kissed the front of my panties, his tongue tracing the outline of my clit through the damp material. I moaned out loud as his hands slid slowly up from my ankles and along my thighs until his fingers curled around the lace band of my panties tugging them down my legs for me to step out of.

Matt's hands were back on my legs running up and down the smooth skin in slow sensual movements.

"You have beautiful legs." He murmured, looking up at me to watch my reaction as he parted them slightly before blowing on my bare skin.

I gasped, my hands in his hair, as he kissed my lips in the same way he kissed my mouth. My grip on his hair tightened as his tongue flicked across my wetness, causing my whole body to tense against his mouth. Matt's hands were on my ass, pressing me against his mouth as his tongue continued it's skilled exploration, making my knees go weak, and my breath become ragged. I could feel the flush of heat spread through my body. His fingers traced my moist outer lips, before he slipped a finger inside me, his lips sucking at my swollen nub. I was panting now, feeling the waves of pleasure beginning to take over my body and then he stopped.

My whole body was crying out for release, everything more sensitive to his touch as he stood up, his brushing against me. I shivered as his lips were suddenly on mine. devouring my mouth as he guided me backwards to the bed. The back of my knees banged against it, before he lay me down, his eyes taking in my body before him. His gaze was tender and appreciative as he finished undoing his jeans and kicked them off along with his underwear, his impressive erection on display.

My breath caught in my throat as the heat of his body met sensitive nerves of my body. His face was inches from mine; I could feel the tip of him brushing against my wetness causing my body to arch against him. Matt smiled, knowing the position he had me in as he rubbed his hard cock against my opening without slipping inside. I gasped out loud, my finger nails digging into the skin of his shoulders.

"Please…" I whimpered.

My teeth grazed the hollow of his neck as he thrust in to me. His fingers were entwined in mine as he began to move inside me, my body arching with every thrust that brought me closer and closer to climax.

Matt's eyes were on mine, our breathing becoming ragged and more labored as I began to whimper, feeling my orgasm coming. I bit down hard as the waves of pleasure erupted inside me. I heard Matt calling out my name as he shuddered above me giving way to his own release.

We lay there, resting against each other until Matt withdrew from me. His eyes were on mine as he let go of my hand and used it to brush the hair away from my face, smoothing it behind my ears. His lips brushed mine gently and I felt myself falling into his soft kiss as his hands gently traced the outline of my body.

I shivered as the cool air made his fingers icy against my warm skin.

"Cold?" he asked quietly, his eyes still on me.

I nodded my reply, already struggling to keep my eyes open.

Matt heaved himself off me with a light groan before pulling the quilt over us both. I settled on my side, feeling Matt snuggle up against me, his body spooning mine. His arm holding me close against the warmth of his body as I snuggled down into the quilt, his lips caressed my shoulder blade, before he planted a final kiss on the back of my neck.

Tiredness was grasping at me now and as I began to slip into a deep sleep, I remembered how nice it felt to feel wanted.

_**

* * *

**_

_**Read and Review peeps, that's all we ask!**_

_BEG: -M-I think stubborn is the theme of all of them in this story. But I think is what makes it more true to life. –Aph- I agree with Maddy, they're all being stubborn but that is their downfall!_

_  
Blue: -M-Unreasonable would be the other theme :) But aren't we all that way sometimes, when we think we are in the right? –Aph- Gus is trying but you can't fix something that refuses to be mended, Flack doesn't want to see a problem._

_  
Joanne: -M-We can't have Flack be perfect all the time...well we could, but that wouldn't be any fun! –Aph- I think it was an apt reaction to what they are going through at the min, he detests the fact she's making him choose between the job and his family. He's feeling resentful and that shows through his actions here._

_  
mustlovecat: -M-And I am loving giving him the shovel as he digs! Can they fix it? You will just have to keep reading! –Aph- It's partly his own fault. That's the way life is, there is no clear right person because everyone has their own opinion on the matter._

_  
sparky: -M-Gus would never actually hit Flack with a car. She might smack him one though! And EC is cute in everything. Even with the pn star 'stache in Lords of Dogtown. Just MHO! –Aph- lol that's why I read it again to make sure I was shocked lol seriously tho major huggles to Eddie! Lmao I had an idea about that Danny doll thing! Remind me to tell you sometime._


	14. Chapter 14: Commited

Chapter Fourteen

_it's alright  
i won't commit my friend  
when you come back from your escape  
i don't need apology  
yeah it's just fine  
i won't convince my friend  
and you don't know just what to say_

_-"Committed" Pete Yorn_

Gus answered her phone steps before she reached her apartment, dead on her feet after questioning Bernardi. "Broussard", she snapped.

"She's not here", Flack said with a sigh.

"What?" Gus said, slipping her key into her lock.

"Carmen, she isn't home, she isn't at the hospital and she isn't answer her phone", Flack said, his voice vacillating between worried and angry.

"What about Thomas?" Gus asked, wrinkling her brow in concern.

"At my parents, they picked him up from daycare and are keeping him for the night".

"Well Flack, she did get hit by a car and you did refuse to go to the hospital, what do you want me to tell ya?" Gus sighed, having a feeling that sleep was going to have to be put off for a while longer.

"That I am not being paranoid for thinking she is over at Matt's. Again." Flack was leaning more towards angry now with his tone.

"Your observations are rarely paranoid, blue eyes", Gus said, trying to placate her partner as she changed out of her suit into jeans.

"You think I should go over there?" Flack asked, desperately wanting Gus' approval.

Gus held her breath for a moment, knowing that if Carmen was at Matt's, which she probably was, things would not go down in a civilized manner if Flack went over there to confront them. Of course she couldn't blame Carmen for being pissed. Flack had spent countless hours with her waiting in doctor's offices over the past year thanks to her traitorous lungs; but didn't stop for an hour to go check on his wife, just bruised ribs or not.

"I think we can still catch happy hour at Sully's if we both leave right now", she said finally.

"You afraid of me doing something stupid?"

"Nope, I am afraid of you doing something illegal", Gus said, pulling on shoes and heading back at the door, with a long lingering look at her bed.

* * *

"You think I am in the wrong here, don't you?" Flack asked, as they were both settled into a booth with a pitcher and a couple of full pints.

"I said nothing of the sort, Flack" Gus admonished, though not meeting his gaze.

"You didn't have to, but she said it was nothing and we had to get a crack at Bernardi", Flack explained.

"Yeah, but you could have left, I could have handled it on my own. Unless you don't think I could have", Gus looked at him with a warning glare.

Flack shook his head, "Nah, I know you could have, but I wanted a piece of him. And I think it was just a power thing".

"Power thing? Really, because I am pretty sure she didn't jump in front of a car in order to get her power back", Gus snorted.

"It was coming to a stop anyway! She's bruised her ribs before", Flack continued on.

"You don't have to convince me, Flack", Gus singsonged.

"Oh stop that, it's not very attractive, Broussard".

"She was in the hospital, and you didn't go, of course she is going to be pissed, even if she wasn't expecting you to show up, she still wanted you to".

"You women are too damn complicated".

"Just because you men are dumb enough to be an open book", Gus said, topping off both of their drinks.

"You agree that she probably is at Matt's don't you?" Flack pressed on.

Gus chewed on her cheek, "You aren't going to let this go, huh? Yeah, I agree she is probably at Matt's, partially for comfort, partially for retaliation".

Flack rubbed his neck,"For me not coming even though she knew I was in a middle of a case?"

"For that and for all the hours you spent with me in doctor's offices".

"Yeah, but you got that thing".

"No one likes hospitals, Flack!" Gus scolded her partner gently.

"She would have been pissed at me if I hadn't gone with you, she was the one who pushed me to go when you told me to fuck off", Flack countered.

"As you said, us women fold are complicated", Gus grinned.

They sat quietly for a moment, as Gus fiddled with her napkin, wanting to speak, but not wanting to overstep her bounds.

"Out with it, Broussard, before your fidgeting knocks the beer over".

Gus sighed, blowing her hair out of her face, "I just think maybe you need to think long and hard about the commitment you made in front of God and everyone else. Nowhere did it say things were going to be easy, in fact, I am pretty sure the vows say something to the opposite affect. I am pretty sure you agreed to not entering into the covenant lightly. I see you day in and day out working yourself to the bone trying to uphold the oath you made to the city, but I got to wonder where that drive has gone when it comes to your marriage".

"You lecturing me on commitment, sunshine? Last time I checked you ain't ever been married".

"For good reason", Gus snapped.

"Because you dumped your boy almost at the alter", Flack said with raised eyebrows and glint in his eye.

"He was an abusive asshole who was sleeping with his firms secretaries for sport!" Gus' cheeks flushed.

"Look, Gus, I don't mean to piss ya off, but you don't have the best track record in relationships".

"Yeah, but I haven't promised forever to anyone either", Gus snarled before taking a long breath and even longer drink.

"What if forever isn't possible? What if Carmen and I aren't meant to be together. What if she was supposed to be with Matt all along? What if I am not what she wants?" Flack fired the questions rapidly at Gus.

"Don't be doubting your allure, there, Flack. I have it on good authority that just about every female under seventy in the precinct, hell the City, would sell their soul to the devil to be with you". Gus winked at Flack, hoping to lighten the mood.

"You included in that?" Flack asked suddenly, unsure of where that had come from.

Gus felt herself stiffen, leaning into the booth's wooden back behind her; desperate for a sudden escape. Her eyes widened, until she caught on an answer, "What, with my track record? What would I do with a good guy? I ain't got no use for the likes of you".

Flack burst out into laughter, almost showering them both with his mouthful of beer. "True that, sunshine, true that".

It was much later before they left Sully's and went to grab a couple of slices. Flack had pestered Gus with endless questions about how to handle the situation and what Carmen might be doing and how he would deal if his marriage didn't work out and on and on until Gus was seriously debating shoving him into the East river.

"I'm sorry, Gus, you probably don't want to be dealing with all this", Flack said, handing her a wad of napkins as she struggled to get cheese grease off her shirt.

"Can't say it was on the top of my things to do, but it is a hell of a lot more interesting than whatever was on tv tonight", Gus shrugged.

"I do kinda feel like I am living one of those reality shows", Flack admitted, leaning against the railing looking out over the water, "You didn't walk us this way because there are cameras waiting to follow us to Bellevue, did ya?"

Gus couldn't help but laugh, "Nah, though is Ashton Kutcher did call me to put you on Punk'd, I would have to agree, he's pretty hot".

"Good to see where I stand", Flack said, pulling her into him and giving her a light noogie.

"What are you 12?" Gus screeched, trying to wriggle away.

"You just told me you were gonna sell me up the river".

"Only for a hot celebrity, Flack, I swear, a girl has needs", she laughed finally pulling away as Flack hip checked her.

She stumbled, and Flack immediately swooped in to right her, "Sorry there, Grace" he teased.

"Aw, aren't they adorable, Horace? Remember when we used to be in love like that, before you turned into a grumpy old coot?" an elderly voice sounded from behind them, causing the pair to freeze and then jump apart.

Flack and Gus turned, to see an elderly gentleman pushing a woman in a wheelchair, obviously coming from the medical complex.

"It ain't all fun and games, you two, but it is worth it if you can make each other laugh even if the wost of times", the man, presumably Horace, said, winking at Flack.

"And you have to forgive too, that one is probably the hardest", the woman added.

"Yeah because you don't know how to forget, right, Delores?" Horace retorted, pecking the woman on the cheek as he wheeled past them.

"Young love, ah I remember the days", Delores sighed into the night.

"Well that's just...something", Gus said clearing her throat.

Flack rocked back and forth, lost in thoughts and wondering why Gus had turned a shade of red closer to purple.

"I should get home", Gus said, trying to locate the quickest way back across the FDR.

"I'll walk ya", Flack said, chasing after her.

"I'm fine, Flack, you should get home. You know, to your wife", Gus said, her eyes suddenly filling with tears she desperately did not want Flack to see.

Flack watched as Gus was swallowed up by the traffic and turned to head to a very empty home.

* * *

_Bluehaven: -Maddy-Sometimes even the best people do "bad" things, that is one of my main points in this story. As for what is next, you will just have to keep reading. And I think we can all agree on Flack being one of our favorites. –Aph-Their just all trapped in a bad situation. Flack's trying his best but he's torn by the two duties at hand. You'll have to wait and see._

_Mauveine: -Maddy-No problem, thank you so much for taking the tine to review now! This story is so different from the happy pairing, but that is also the point. It is interesting to tweak things in the other direction some times, just to see what could have been isn't always good. –Aph- LMAO poor Flack, but your right. She's confused and its all very complicated. We wanted to see how far we could push this and I'm enjoying being a co-writer on it. I'm glad Matt comes across as sweet and not some serial manipulator because he's caught up in it all too._

_sparky: -Maddy-I know, I am totally 'bad Flack, no donut" right now! Sense is something lacking with pretty much everyone in this story, because I think we all forget to answer the clue phone from time to time. –Aph- lol poor Flack gets the pointed end of the stick here. Lol He just needs to get a grip and so does she but it's hard for them both._

_Brown eyed Girl: -Maddy-She is pretty awesome, I often wish I could be like her too! Aphina is such an amazing writer to evoke that much envy! Though I think you will soon see that not everyone can have it all all the time! –Aph- lol you two just made me grin, esp when comments like that come from two fantastic writers. Carmen can be a very bad girl._


	15. Chapter 15: Two Sides To Everything

Chapter Fifteen

_I wish  
Wishing for you to find your way  
And I'll hold on for all you need  
That's all we need to say  
I'll take my chances while  
You take your time with  
This game you play  
But I can't control your soul  
You need to let me know  
You leaving or you gonna stay_

_Goo Goo Dolls – Let Love In_

Flack was already at a snapping point when he stepped into the lift, the files clenched tightly in his hands. Carmen hadn't shown up this morning back at the apartment and he knew that she was on the afternoon shift today. The pressure of the situation was beginning to press down on him, he could feel himself buckling under the strain. He wanted to fix his marriage but he was finding it harder and harder to see a way to do it. His possessive side was kicking into over drive. He thought he was being paranoid about the Matt situation and he was chiding himself on it constantly but there were things that didn't add up, that niggled into his brain until they became part of the problems.

The lift signaled another stop as he raised his eyes from the files to see the burly Swat Leader step into the lift. Matt took position on the opposite side of the lift. Neither man glanced at the other; the tension was overwhelming in the confined space.

It was Matt that broke the silence.

"I always knew you were a bastard but seriously man, leaving your wife to fend for herself at the hospital after she gets hit by a car…" Matt paused, shaking his head and crossing his arms over his chest.

"You really are something else, you know that?" Flack snapped turning to face the other man. "Don't think I haven't noticed you sniffing around Carmen like a little lost puppy, I mean seriously you are un–fucking-believable."

"She comes running to me because she can't get what she needs from you. I shouldn't have to be the one to pick up the pieces of your marriage; can't you see it's breaking down around you? But no you're too busy being married to the job to see how you're breaking Carmen's heart." Matt seethed as he faced off to Flack.

Flack's fists were clenched at his sides as he met the other man's gaze straight on.

"Yea sure and your there to pick up all the pieces. I'm sure that's just a god damned shame for you isn't it? For information, Carmen isn't the only one who's getting hurt in this marriage." Flack shot back.

"But you wouldn't give two shits if she was would you?"

"You saying I don't care about my wife?!" Flack growled.

"I certainly looked that way when you didn't show up at the hospital last night." Matt pointed out.

"She knows what the job is like, I can't come running on her every whim!" Flack snarled, wanting nothing more than to wipe the smug smirk off Matt's face.

Matt's expression changed to one of sheer disbelief.

"A whim?! She has bruised ribs for Christ's Sake. She spent most of the night curled up on my couch in agony." Matt informed him.

"And I bet you loved that didn't you. Seeing as you're always there to take care of her. Hell you two are practically married already. I don't why she even needs me around when she's got you to rely on." Flack jabbed his finger at Matt's chest.

"Yeah, kind of like you and your partner?" Matt replied, jabbing a finger back at Flack.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Flack questioned, balling his hands into fists and stepping well into Matt's personal space.

"I'm just saying you seem to spend an awful lot of time with Broussard, even not during work hours. I can see why, she is a looker. Of course, so if your wife; but maybe that's the allure, huh? Nobody to nag you or make you be responsible, playing outside the rules." Matt didn't back down even as Flack looked like he was about to take a swing.

"This has nothing to do with Gus, this is about you encroaching on my marriage", Flack snarled. "And by the way buddy, the only reason Carmen's come running to you is out of retaliation for me not being there. You think she actually genuinely cares about you, that's bull shit, she's doing this to teach me a lesson and you know what? I'm not falling for it."

Matt stared at the other man, his jaw clenched tightly as the lift doors opened again and Flack stepped out into the bull pen. As the doors closed again in front of him Matt couldn't help but wonder if maybe Flack was right.

* * *

Flack was standing behind her as she sang along with song erupting from the Ipod she'd plugged into Adam's speakers. He recognized it as one she used to play often at home. Home. It seemed strange to say that now.

The apartment that they shared hadn't seemed like a home for a while now. He hadn't known how empty the place was when she wasn't there. He laid in bed for a long time staring at the ceiling, missing her, the familiar feel of her body against his, her hair tickling his face in the morning as he wrapped his arms around her. Home was her, that's what she felt like to him, when he was close to her he felt at peace, like everything was where it was meant to be.

Carmen didn't even know he was watching her right now. The door had been open when he'd slipped through. Matt's words had struck close to his heart. He was right; he hadn't been there for her recently. The case was too much and the job was overwhelming, he hadn't worked like this since before they'd gotten married, it was becoming a loop, the job kept him away from home, in turn he didn't want to be home because of the job. He watched as she moved in time to the music as she slipped the DNA sample into the machine.

He missed her. There was no doubt about it. He hated the thought of Matt's hands anywhere near her, and he was afraid that at some point that was going to happen, he'd pushed her away so much that she was going to just give up. He wanted things to be normal like before this case had grabbed him. He wanted to save his marriage but he wasn't sure he could anymore; he wasn't sure if he could be the first one to reach out and take those steps.

Despite Matt's words he felt bad about leaving her at the hospital, he got it, he was stubborn but so was she, and he knew she was tough. Yet he had been worried and concerned, he hadn't know what to do when she hadn't shown up last night, her cell off so he couldn't contact her. He knew where she'd gone in an instant. Yet he couldn't bear the idea of facing his worst fear. He could face down a mobster waving an AK47 in his face but he couldn't deal with the thought that maybe he'd shoved his wife so hard that she'd landed in another man's arms.

Before Flack even knew what he was doing he was stepping forward. He felt her entire body tense as his hands rested on her shoulders gently. His chest lightly pressing against her back, as he closed his eyes, taking in the rush of familiar feelings that this sparked inside him at the scent of her shampoo.

"I missed you last night." He mumbled.

Carmen relaxed under his hands and leant back against him a little, making him feel relieved.

"You had a suspect I get it." She stated, he could hear the coldness in her voice.

He could see that she was trying to block him out, she'd been hurt last night but he'd had a job to do.

"Yea I know." Flack murmured, his nose buried in her hair as he inhaled her scent.

He heard Carmen's intake of breath as his arms slowly moved down her arms and wrapped around her waist carefully, pulling her a gentle hold.

Carmen didn't resist, she settled into it. He could tell she was surprised, he hadn't touched her in a long time, and this show of warm in the midst of a battlefield was a surprise for her.

"I don't want to get divorced." He confessed softy. Carmen turned around to face him, her eyes intent on her face as he placed his hands on either side of her so their bodies were still close together.

"Then you need to be there, when I need you," she told him wearily.

"I need you to stop running off to Matt, it's driving me crazy Carmen." Flack opened up.

"When your there instead of him that's when I'll stop." Carmen returned, her evergreen eyes steeling against him.

Flack reached out, brushing a stray strand of hair away from her face.

"I'll try." He offered.

Carmen's whole body seemed to sigh with her as she turned her back on him, her hands grabbing the paper out of the printer.

"Of course you will." She muttered before he took a step back and watched her stride out of the lab and towards Mac's office.

* * *

Matt stepped into off the lift and into the crime lab, a brown paper bag clutched in his hand as he balanced the two cups of take away coffee in the other. He glanced up his eyes scanning over the shiny glass of the crime lab, searching for Carmen amongst the crowd of people working today. He knew she was confined to the labs until her ribs healed, he also knew that she was restless, she hated not being out in the field. He was hoping to cheer her up with coffee and a croissant from the bakery nearby.

Matt's eyes fell onto Carmen working diligently in the DNA Lab, her hips swaying slightly to the music that could be heard faintly in the hallway through the glass. He found himself smiling as he watched her mouthing the words as she submitted the DNA evidence into the machine.

The memories from last night were flooding his mind as he remembered her taste, the feel of her skin underneath him, the sound of her moans. When it was all over and she began to drift into a dreamless sleep, he'd simply held her close and watched her sleep. He knew she hadn't slept like that in a long time. He wondered what was going through Flack's head every time he treated her like crap or let her down, she deserved more than that, she deserved to be loved and cherished and he was getting a kick out of making her feel that way.

Matt tilted his head to the side realizing that he didn't appear to be the only one with his eyes on Carmen had the current moment. Matt spied Flack leaning in the doorway of the DNA lab, his eyes lingering on the woman in front of him. He could see the expression of remorse on Flack's face as he watched the other man step towards his wife, his hands settling on her shoulders. The tension in Carmen's body ignited and Matt felt an intense anger flare within him as Carmen's body visibly relaxed against Flack even more so when she let him wrap his arms around her waist.

The two of them looked pretty damn cosy.

Carmen had turned to face Flack now, their faces inches apart. Matt found his hand closed tightly in the coffee cup in his hand. He couldn't stand to see anymore. He spun on his heel and stormed in the direction of the elevator, throwing the brown paper bag that he'd been clutching in the bin, the coffee followed suit. He jabbed the button for the lift furiously, Flack's words echoing in his head like a ghost he couldn't chase away.

* * *

_**Today we are plugging the CSI: NY FF Awards. Just go on The Corrupter's profile and click on communities and then the community forum, you should see it.**_

_**VOTE US FOR BEST COLLABOARTION!!**_

_**Yea, I really am shameless!**_

_Forest Angel: -Madison-Thanks for the support, it means a lot. There will be some talking yet to come, amongst other things.-Aph- lol lots of little surprises in store, but I agree thanks for reviewing, we love knowing what you think._

_  
Bluehaven: -Madison-Gus still has plenty of no bullsht therapist left in here. Especially with Flack. Too bad she can't shrink herself! As for the rest, you will just have to keep reading. -Aph- I love the way she writes Flack and Gus it's just brilliant characterization If we told you it wouldn't be a surprise or a what if. _

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Mauveine: -Madison-I think it is very real and that is why some want to read it and some want to ignore it. It definitely makes it difficult to write sometimes. Thanks for your kind words! –Aph- It's a good point, we know things aren't all sunshines and rainbows and of course feelings are bound to develop. It's a realistic circumstance and that's what I love about it._

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BrowneyedGirl: -Madison-The computer gods smiled on you and got angry with me instead! Glad you enjoy it and can see where the characters are coming from. It is why I married an engineer. ;) –Aph- lol that's why cop marries cop lol must not think about Flack or naked Speedle. We love creating the more realistic side of things, it gives the characters depth and humanity._

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sparkyCSI: -Madison-See what I said to Blue. And of course there are rough waters, you didn't expect us to be suddenly less evil did you? ;) –Aph- lol if I was Gus I would have slapped him by now. Like we'd tone it down when we have the perfect opportunity to create havoc!_

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princessg: -Madison-I think this story is a lot for some people to swallow, especially if they are looking for fluff. I think we wanted to write it because it was so against the norm and has been a great writing exercise. Glad to see you sucked in and still "enjoying" the quality of writing if nothing else! –Aph- lol of course your gonna like DI better it's the happier version of this. This seriously would have happened if I didn't have storylines already planed out I needed to get on with. So thank god for plot bunnies. High Five for sucking you in though._


	16. Chapter 16: Boiling Point

Chapter Sixteen

_You don't wanna be  
Another casualty of loves war  
You won't even start  
I won't hurt you, no I won't_

_Why don't you let me be the one to love you  
Why don't you help me find a way to  
Why don't you let me be the one to love you?_

_Ingram Hill – Why Don't You?_

I was staring at the key clutched in my fingers, feeling slightly unnerved by it. Matt had slipped it into my hand this morning before I left to return to the apartment for clean clothes. A key meant a lot to me, it was a step onto something bigger and I wasn't even sure what I wanted from Matt. Wirth Matt there was no pressure; I didn't have to explain myself. It was easy and there were no expectations, I had no reason to justify my actions and being around him gave me everything that was missing in my marriage with Flack. Yet this was so wrong.

Flack didn't deserve this, he hadn't done anything wrong, he was doing the job. That was the problem though, the job was taking over and I couldn't compete anymore, and hell I had tried.

His words and actions today had told a different story to the one he'd spent the last month singing. For a second I forgot we were separating, when he wrapped his arms around me I'd felt relaxed and reassured, like things were back where they were supposed to be.

It would have been easy to fall back into Flack, just to let everything go but for some reason there was a part of me that couldn't do that. I couldn't just let everything go, part of it were the nights I'd spent with Matt.

I hadn't felt so wanted and cherished in a while now and Matt was giving that to me and I enjoyed it, it seemed unfair that he was getting caught in the middle of all this. At the same time I reasoned he knew that he was getting into, I made no promises to him but that didn't make what we were doing any better.

The other part was sheer stubbornness, if I let Flack get away with this now, he'd do it again in the future and if I was being honest I knew I couldn't take going through this again.

I glanced at my hand, pulling a face and remembering the reason I was here. I'd forgotten my wedding ring.

I'd taken it off before getting in the bath here last night and had forgotten to slip it back on before leaving.

It felt alien pushing the key into the lock and twisting it to open the latch on the other side of the door. I pushed the door open and stepped into Matt's apartment shocked to see him sitting on the couch, hands pressed together near, his eyes on the small silver circlet in front of him on the coffee table.

"You forgot your ring." He told me without looking up.

I frowned at the sight of his hunched shoulders and bowed head.

"Why are you here?" he asked, his voice tight as he rose his eyes to meet mine.

I stared at him confused.

"I came back to get my ring." I said pointing at the table.

Matt was on his feet now, his eyes on me, his expression was one I couldn't read.

"No I meant why are you here, why do you come here to me instead of staying at home to be with him." Matt questioned.

I stared at Matt surprised and weary.

"What's brought this on?" I asked studying his composure.

"Please just answer the question?" Matt said, his hand running through his hair.

"I don't have one." I shot back.

Matt stared at me in utter disbelief.

"So you don't know why you're screwing me instead of him?" Matt exclaimed his jaw tensing.

I felt flustered, my cheeks burning bright red as I forced the words out.

"When I'm with you I feel wanted, and desirable. I feel like someone's got my back and that I'm not lonely anymore. That I don't have to fight so hard to make things work." I confessed, staring at my feet.

"Do you…do you have feelings for me?" he asked suddenly.

I felt my chest clench as his words hit me. Wasn't that the million dollar question.

"I think their pretty complicated." I responded as honestly as I could.

Matt's eyes fixed on me as he shook his head.

"I think you know how you feel, but you don't want to admit it to your self." Matt said out loud into the open room.

I bit my lip, before averting, my gaze to the ring on the table.

"I really don't know. I feel like I have an obligation to him…" I sighed, picking up the ring from the table and slipping it back on my finger.

Matt snapped.

"Carmen, he's practically sleeping with his partner. How can you not see that? He'd rather spend the weekend with her, than with you or Thomas. Don't you think there's something wrong about that?" Matt exclaimed.

"There's nothing going on between him and Gus, they're just partners." The words seemed empty even to me as they escaped my mouth

Matt was pacing now, he turned away rubbing the back of his head.

"How can you say their just partners? She's a good looking girl Carmen and they spend too much time together out of work to just be partners and I think you know that." Matt spat.

I shook my head in response.

"I know Don and he wouldn't do that. He loves…" I trailed off, unable to end that sentence, unsure whether the statement was even true anymore.

Matt burst in with his own words as I hesitated.

"Jesus Christ how are you not getting this? He doesn't love you. He couldn't even be bothered to turn up at the hospital when you got hit a car for Christ's Sake. How much more do you need to go through?" Matt challenged me. "How much pain do you need to feel at the hands of him before you say that it's enough?"

His words hit me hard, ripping open the wounds I'd tried to hide. I felt my jaw tighten as I swallowed back the lump in my throat. I would not cry anymore. Matt's gaze softened as he eyed my balled fists and intense expression.

"I hate seeing you like this, I hate seeing you in this much pain." He uttered. "And I hate acting like this Carmen."

I could see the truth in his eyes as he moved towards me. His hands were rubbing up and down my arms soothingly as he sighed deeply. He bowing his head before his hazel eyes rose to meet mine.

"I love you and this is killing me." Matt whispered.

Matt looked away at my sudden intake of breath, his hands dropping away from me shoulders. I'd known it from the beginning, his touches, his words, his smile and everything he'd done for me. But hearing those words out loud it still stunned me.

"I…" I trailed off not knowing what to saying in response to his revelation.

"I wouldn't hurt you like this and I can't stand the fact that your letting him get away with it." Matt told me, shaking his head.

I put a hand to my head, covering my eyes with it as I felt the pressure building up behind them. His voice was so sincere, that his words truly touched me. I knew he cared deeply, he always had, I just wasn't sure what the hell to do anymore. I felt Matt wrap his arms around me, he was pulling me close to his chest, stroking my hair, his cheek pressed against mine.

I clutched the front of his shirt my forehead resting on his chest as his hand stroking the back of my neck softly.

"If I do this… If I divorce him I'm not sure that I'll be able to do this again. I can't guarantee that you're going to get what you want. Two failed marriages…" I raised my head off his chest to meet his eyes. "I gotta be honest with you Matt, I'm not even sure I'm going to have anything left for anyone else."

Matt looked down at me, shaking his head

"That doesn't matter." He told me solemnly. "All I care about is you, and you have to get out this marriage before you end up looking back and wondering where the best years of your life have gone. I just…" he paused, his fingers reaching out and touching my cheek. "I just want you to be happy."

I found myself staring into his eyes, falling into him as his thumb caressed jaw lines. Our lips were inches apart. I leaned in.

My cell phone went off, causing me to jump away startled. I grabbed it and checked caller I.D. Matt crossed his arms over his chest and raised an inquiring eyebrow.

"It's Mac, I'm still on call. I'm gonna have to…"

Matt's lips were on mine suddenly cutting off my words. His arm looped around my waist pressing my body against his for a second before he released me.

"Go." He stated, indicating to the door with a small smile.

Matt chuckled at the face I pulled before I rushed out of the door, answering my phone on way out.

* * *

_**Apologies over the fact it has taken so long to put a new chapter up. Both me and Maddy have been pretty busy recently but we promise to try to keep on top of it.**_

_**Plugging: CSI NY FF Awards – Vote us Best Collaboration!!**_

_Blue: -M-Wouldn't you like to know? You just have to keep reading. Thanks for the cookies! –Aph- Can we have brownies too? You'll have to wait and see, there's a lot more coming._

_  
Brown: -M-Thanks so much, I know I try really hard to make it realistic. Stubbornness abound, I think it is part of the personality type of cops in general. –Aph- We do our best with the realism. It's important to get that across. I feel a little bit for Matt, he's simply caught up in the mess. The two of them though are just utterly stubborn._

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sparky: -M-Hmn...you'll just have to see! mwah ha ha! Thanks for the vote.-Aph- lol thanks for the vote! I was trying to make sure neither of them took a swing at each other otherwise we'd have a good old fashioned brawl on our hands! _

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Mauveine: -M-Emotional roller coasters are sometimes fun (though hard) to write. I am glad you have given our story a chance and are enjoying it! –Aph- lol I love jerking you around emotionally, you know that! Lol I'm glad you decided to look in on this, it's our evil piece. A little outlet for the what ifs._

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princessg: -M-Tensions are on the rise for sure! FF can rule your life if you aren't careful! –Aph- lol cyber high five! I love the fact I've managed to drag you into another one of my stories lol. I feel accomplished now! Lol I was so thinking about a fight but it wouldn't fit in with what he had planned._

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lapland: -M-Thanks for putting us on alert, M stories always mess me up too! I know it is confusing with all this swapping and alternate universe stuff, but I am so glad you are enjoying it! –Aph- LMAO! I do that all the time! So you are no the only one. I'm glad your loving this, I get its confusing because everyone's OC's are appearing in everyone else's stories. Hope you keep reading. _


	17. Chapter 17: Then Again

Chapter Seventeen

_Damned if it don't feel like somethin' ain't right_

_I can't explain why I stay here each night_

_You seemed as if you had something to say_

_I always knew you don't like it that way_

_But was it ever different?_

_I can't recall_

_If I knew what I was signing up for_

_I'm not really sure_

_But then again, I may miss always hearing I'm not good enough_

_-"Then Again" The City Life_

Gus strode through the precinct, trying to track down both a fellow detective and coffee that didn't taste like mud. She stopped short, feeling suddenly like she should have her hearing checked. Gus peered around the doorway to the SWAT conference room, and then planted herself flat against the wall.

"Looks like you're finally getting some, huh, Sullivan?" one of the SWAT guys said, his tone teasing as he pointed at the hickey clearly visible over Matt's collar.

"It's nothing", Matt said, though a satisfied grin did creep across his face.

"That ain't nothing, bro, no way Jose, I know you, you bagged you some wild cat. Just tell me she's got a sister or a best friend she can introduce me to".

"Not on your life, Reynolds", Matt smirked.

Another one of the guys chimed in, "You gonna tell us who this mystery woman is?"

Matt studied his nails, buffing them against his shirt. "Wasn't planning on it".

"Then maybe you shouldn't show up at work sporting love-bites", another guy chided.

"I would like to keep my private life private, is that alright with you guys?" Matt looked sternly at his colleagues.

"Since when?", Reynolds scoffed.

Jones was quick to jump in, "Yeah, we don't keep our conquests a secret unless they are ugly or married, right guys?"

Sounds of approval followed. Gus swallowed, her mind whirring through this information and the pieces falling effortlessly into place.

"Ca-", Matt cut himself off.

Realizing all the guys were staring at him, he squared his shoulders and said, "Like I would ever need to get with an ugly girl, nope, she is one hot chick".

His tone was boastful enough to make Gus' stomach churn, though she wasn't sure if it was just workplace bravado.

"So she's married, then?" Reynolds pressed on.

Matt didn't speak, just raised his eyebrows.

"Best of both world's right, Sullivan? All the fun none of the bother?" Jones elbowed Matt in the side.

"If you get bored with her, feel free to give her my number".

"Not likely, Reynolds, she's too hot for you to handle".

Gus moved quickly but silently away from the door, her heart pounding hard. He had to have been talking about Carmen, it even sounded like he was about to say her name. Carmen wouldn't throw away her marriage so easily, would she? But then again, Carmen and Matt did have a history and connection that went deep.

"Poor Flack", Gus murmured as she absently poured coffee from the carafe, until it spilled over the edge of her cup and scalded her.

"Shit", she screamed as the hot liquid hit her flesh.

"How have you not shot yourself, Broussard?" Matt asked, leaning against the door frame of the seventh floor break room.

Gus spun at the sound of his voice, anger flashing in her eyes. "Fuck you, Sullivan", she growled.

"Are you PMSing or something?" Matt said, taking in her flushed cheeks.

"I hope you and Carmen are enjoying yourselves, you rat bastard. Do you not even care that you are destroying a family?" Gus launched the words at him with fury.

Matt looked at her for a long beat, incredulous. Anger rose from his gut to his throat as he shot back.

"Excuse me? I am the one destroying a family? Flack is the one who didn't come to the hospital when Carmen was hit by a car. Flack is the one who thinks the job is more important than his marriage. Flack is the one who doesn't give two shits what happens to either Carmen or Thomas. And what about you, little Miss Bayou Babe? What about you trying to steal Flack away from Carmen? You think I haven't noticed that he spends more time with you than he does with his own family, even off the clock?"

Gus' reply came in the form of the coffee carafe hurling through the air and smashing at the wall beside Matt's head.

"I would never steal another woman's husband, not even if she was making a cuckold out of him", Gus said, closing the distance between him and jabbing her finger into his chest.

"Watch yourself, Broussard", Matt warned as he grabbed her arm forcefully.

"At least buy a fucking turtleneck, Sullivan", she seethed as she wrenched her arm out of his grasp and stormed back to Homicide.

* * *

_**Sorry for the late chapter guys, we're both a little busy at the mo, but we love to hear your thoughts.**_

_**A special thanks to everyone who voted us Best Collaboration, I didn't think we'd end up joint first place. Thank you all so much, you made us both smile like hell.**_

_Bluehaven: -Madison-I think there are a lot of realizations about to happen. Whether they are good or bad or in between remains to be seen. Are you trying to make us fat? takes brownies and cake anyway -Aph- I could do with the extra pick me up. Lol lol you'll have to wait and see what happens, who figures out what? Lol I know I am mean to you!_

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Forest Angel: -Madison-So emotionally charged that I find it impossible to write sometimes. Devious, us? Never. /sarcasm. Aph- The truth is there's always a certain amount of emotion going around in situations like this, I think it's best to show that in order to get the bigger picture. As for devious…well no one ever said we were good girls. _

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Brown eyed Girl: -Madison-Sometimes life becomes no win, which sucks, but it is the truth. Painful, but realistic, though not all can handle it not being all sunshine and roses. –Aph- I think in cases like this the only way to play it is to be honest and realistic, stuff like this does happen, there's no right answers and everyone at some point is a guilty party. As MAddy said not everything can be sunshines and roses._

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sparky: -Madison-And thickens and thickens. We got some more complicated gumbo cooking up fo' tru'! – Aph- She initially left her ring in the bathroom after the car incident and came back to get it in Ch16. She took it with her this time. Maddy's right we do have more complicated issues heading up._

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Mauveine: -Madison-Unrequited is definitely an emerging theme with this group! –Aph- We wanted to show his role in the whole thing, it's not in Matt's nature to be genuinely malicious. His feelings for her are very real which is why he engages in it._

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hope4sall:-Madison-Thanks for delurking yourself and I am glad you are enjoying this one. I know it is the hardest things either of us have published on here, so it is nice to get positive feedback to a potentially unsettling story.-Aph- Hi, it's nice to meet you. Maddy's right I was absolutely positive we would get flamed for touching on an issue like this, hence why we appreciate the support, no matter who your married to stuff like this can happen. So thanks for giving us a chance!_

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princessg: -Madison-I think it is easy to hate everyone at times in this story, but I think that is the essence of it as well, because at times doesn't everyone hate a little bit of themselves? –Aph- I think its an important thing to capture, Matt's side of the story. It's understandable he'd feel used but at the same time she didn't make any promises._


	18. Chapter 18: When The Tide Turns

Chapter Eighteen

_Funny how quick the milk turns sour  
Isn't it, isn't it  
Your face has been looking like that for hours  
Hasn't it, hasn't it  
Promises, promises turn to dust  
Wedding bells just turn to rust  
Trust into mistrust _

_-"Little Time" Beautiful South_

It happened in a blink of an eye. Knocking on doors in an apartment building, expecting to just get another one slammed in their faces. Next thing Gus knew a loud pop dropped Flack to the floor, blood spurting from his neck, and she had un-holstered her weapon and unloaded three shots into the perp.

"Come on, Flack stay with me", Gus screamed, simultaneously putting pressure on the gunshot wound and smacking Flack on the face.

"Let me see those damn blue eyes, would ya?" she said, panic clear in her voice as she wondered how there could be so much blood.

"Where the fuck is the god damned bus?" she yelled at the uniform hovering nervously over them.

"I'll go see", he stammered.

"Fucking boot", she growled, adding more pressure to the wound, relieved that the blood flow seemed to have slowed down. Gus sincerely wished they had both just called in sick today, as they had joked about after going to a game the night before.

* * *

"Gus", Flack said hoarsely from the hospital bed, his eyes fluttering.

"Oh good, sleeping beauty decided to wake up", Gus drawled, though the tears of relief rolled down her cheeks.

"I got hit, huh?" he said running his hands over his body.

Gus grabbed his hands to stop him from ripping out any IVs.

"Doc said you got lucky, bullet missed your heart, buried itself in your clavicle. You lost a good amount of blood though. Not to mention you scared the shit out of me when you went down".

"Did you get him?" Flack asked, his voice gruff and uncharacteristically weak.

Gus nodded, gravely, "Yeah, dropped him with three to the chest. Should be ruled a clean shot".

Flack looked at her for a long moment, knowing it was never easy to have to discharge your weapon, even if it meant saving your partner. "You did what you had to do. And thanks, Gus", he said, squeezing her arm. Gus shrugged.

"It's what partners do, right?" she sniffed, not enjoying how emotional she was feeling.

"Now get some more rest would ya?" Gus said, pecking him on the cheek before she went to get more coffee.

"He's my husband, I don't care what hospital policy is!"

Gus' head swiveled up from the magazine that she couldn't concentrate on, at the sound of Carmen's voice.

She jumped to her feet, intercepting the other woman's steps from Flack's room. "He's resting" Gus growled, blocking Carmen's path.

"Oh my god, is that all his blood?" Carmen asked, her hand going to her mouth at the dried red circles covering most of Gus' shirt.

Gus nodded, her jaw set, "Not that you care. Did Sullivan come with you?"

"What?" Carmen asked, slightly dazed.

"Matt, figured you were probably screwing him this morning while your husband was getting shot, didn't know if he was your driver as well as your fuck buddy".

Gus shocked herself with the amount of venom and scorn in her voice.

Carmen stunned the both of them with the impact of her palm on Gus' cheek. "You have no right to talk to me about my marriage", Carmen said as Gus' hand rubbed at her face.

"I have every right when I am the one picking up the pieces", Gus retorted, still blocking Carmen's way.

"I bet you love doing that too, right, Gus?" Carmen cocked a hand on her hip, her flashing green eyes perfectly mirroring Gus'.

"I shouldn't have to be doing it, Carmen", Gus shot back.

"Well right now, I am his wife and you are just his partner, so I am going to go see how my husband is doing".

Gus didn't blink an eye as Carmen stormed past nearly knocking her to the ground.

* * *

Carmen stopped in front of the observation window, her eyes on the sleeping man on the other side. His hair tousled and his eyes closed. Her gaze strayed to his chest checking that he was still breathing still here, still alive. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she realized a couple of inches lower and she would have lost him. The emotions welled up inside her, spilling out as tears began to run down her cheeks.

She loved him there was no doubt about it, the pain, the fear, it was all genuine. The confusion and conflict that had waged inside her over the last few months was gone and there was only clarity. She knew what she had to do. She forced herself away from the window before spinning on her heel and stalking towards the main exit ignoring Gus as she strode past her.

Gus stared after her wondering how Flack could have married such a cold hearted bitch.

* * *

_**Hey all, apologies we're a little late putting this up. We're both pretty busy at the min!**_

_Soccer-Bitch: -M-Thanks, and it is hard since they are such a fixture, but it is part of the what ifs! Aph: lol your lucky I wasn't brave enough to run with this storyline!_

_sparkyCSI: -M-We try to surprise! Sorry about RL! Gus sometimes has some "anger issues", but would like to keep her job. Otherwise Matt would have gotten laid out! Gus has some soul searching coming up for sure. Chapter count is still being worked out, I think. Aph: I was LMAO when I read it. I think it was awesome the way Maddy wrote it and I was wishing she had laid him out at the time. Yea we're still working on the chapter count, it has yet to be finished._

_Brown eyed Girl 75: -M-Aw shucks, and thanks! Tempers are going to be all over the place for sure (along with other emotions)! Aph: lol tempers flaring all over the place, that's why it's so much fun writing this._

_Mauveine: -M-Everyone is a screw up in this story. Gus really did want to hit him one real good, but she is trying to maintain on the "right" side of things. Thanks for the review and the love, it is much appreciated! Aph: lol I would have hurled it at him too. Your seeing from a lot of different perspectives so it changes how you feel about certain characters all the time._

_Bluehaven4220: -M-munches on brownies I can't wait to see what any of them will do next either! I am pretty sure Gus would like to take Matt out to a dark alley, but I don't think that can happen! Thanks for reading (and for the treats)! Aph: They are hellishly unpredictable but we love it because we don't know what's going to come out next._

_Forest Angel: -M-I make up words all the time, so it is good to see I may not be the only one! This story, like life, is anything but boring. Gus is spittin' mad,and who knows what she will do next, you'll just have to keep reading! :) Aph: I think that is one, I'm glad you like this; it's literally the most funniest thing I think to write because you get to play with things you usually don't have the chance too. It's a giant learning curve._

_hope4sall: -M-I think the pain makes it that much more real and thus good. Gus has a lot of internal struggle coming up, we shall she if she can remain a beacon. It is easy to see how they fall into it, but I think it is one of those "can't see the forest through the trees" situations. Hopefully it will all work out in the end...Aph: That's the best thing about Gus, she's just caught in the middle and you can't figure out what she's actually going to do. It's a lot like life its hard to see until you take a step back._

_princessg: -M-It is one of the situations where no one is entirely right or wrong and they all have their own vaild points for what they are doing. It is a tough situation and I do hope everyone will emerge relatively unscathed. You will have to stay tuned to find out! Aph: lol everyone needs to suck it up and admit to everything but does that ever really happen? The answer is no, so you'll have to see what happens._


	19. Chapter 19: The Right Thing

Chapter Nineteen

_I don't wanna do this anymore  
I don't wanna be the reason why  
Everytime I walk out the door  
I see him die a little more inside  
I don't wanna hurt him anymore  
I don't wanna take away his life  
I don't wanna be...  
A murderer_

_Rhianna – Unfaithful_

Matt opened the door to his apartment as I pounded on it as hard as I could. Desperation was rising in my chest now, I needed to do this. I'd made a terrible mistake all that guilt was welled up inside me threatening to burst. Matt's door swung open, his eyes on me intense and puzzled.

"Carmen? You're supposed to be at the hospital…Oh God is he ok?" Matt's hands were on my arms as he stared into my face, searching.

"He's gonna be fine, he got shot in the shoulder." I whispered weakly.

Matt opened the apartment door ushering me inside.

"We need to talk." I stated, bowing my head and looking at the ring on my finger.

Matt crossed his arms over his chest. I watched as he swallowed hard.

"You're ending it." It was more of a statement than a question.

I found myself staring at him startled by his perceptiveness.

"I can't do this anymore Matt."

I hated the hurt expression on Matt's face. I knew this was tearing him up inside.

"Why?" he murmured. "I mean why now after everything…"

"Don almost died today, I can't… I still love him, after everything I can't just throw our marriage away. I'm sorry Matt." I turned away from him, reaching for the door.

He called my name softly as I reached for the door handle. I turned to face him.

He reached out his hand imploring.

"Carmen, don't do this please...He doesn't love you. How could you forget about all the things he did to you?" Matt pleaded.

"I can't give up on him Matt…"

There were tears in Matt's eyes as he cut me off. His heart was breaking into a million pieces and I was watching him begin to fall apart.

"But you can give up on me? The person whose loved you an supported you when you needed someone. I was there Carmen and you used me and I let myself fall for you because I thought that there was a chance that you'd fall for me."

My arms were wrapped around myself as his words penetrated me. He was being unfair; this wasn't just my fault it was his too.

"You knew what you were getting into when this happened; I didn't promise you anything because I knew that I couldn't. You built up this big vivid fantasy in your head and I can't match up to it Matt, and in your heart you know that. You know it's not meant to be like this." I told him.

I knew I was hurting one of my closest friends but this had to end; I couldn't lead him on anymore. Matt dropped down onto the couch. His jaw clenched. An immense look of sadness tainting his solemn features before he rubbed his face with his hands.

"I'm sorry." I said quietly.

Matt shook his head before focusing on me.

"No your not."

I moved towards him, opening my mouth to say something, anything to make this better. Matt cut me off.

"Just get out of here. Go back to your husband." He muttered his head in his hands.

I pursed my lips together before letting out a deep sigh and running my hands through my hair.

"I mean it Carmen, leave!" Matt's voice had never sounded so cold.

"O.K" I murmured before slipping out the front door, wondering about the mess I'd left behind.

* * *

_**Hey, as usual apologises for the late update. RL is kicking both our asses but here's the update, and thank all of you for showing us how you feel about this story!**_

_Bluehaven: -M-I think each of them having to renegotiate their roles is difficult, seeing as they are both so independent and stubborn and want the best for Flack. Thanks and hope you are still hanging on! –Aph- lol glad your still loving the story. In all fairness Gus is there more for Flack than Carmen is and she is aware of that, she knows part of it's her fault and detests it._

BEG75: -M-Yeah well we stopped it short of jello wrestling, ;) LOL! As I said to Blue, they both have to figure out where their place is. – Aph- lol always bringing it back around to Springer. Lol I love Gus's bluntness at the whole thing, it's true to her char and I was like so "ha" at Carmen when Gus told her off. You'll just have to see where everyone ends up.

princessg:-M-Oooh we are probably really in trouble now cowers. I think this story illustrates the whole adage of you don't know what you got...hopefully everyone will wise and grow up soon. Of course we probably will torture them all some more first.-Aph- lol I'm cowering now myself. I suck at keeping up sometimes. You'll just have to wait and see how it turns out. Who knows wha kinda ending it'll have.

hopes4all: -M-Thanks for reading, and I am glad we could make things clear. This story is certainly a tangled web, but that has been so much more fun than the normal fluff. Hopefully all will work out for the best, it is just deciding what the best is.-Aph- lol this is the evil I couldn't write in DI although I so wanted to. Thanks for enjoying this story so much! Unfortunately though it's a matter of wait and se what happens.

ForestAngel: -M-Now if only it was that easy, my dear, but you know as well as I do that we have to keep them and our readers twisting on the line! –Aph- lol It's one of those, is it too late things, you'll just have to wait and see.

Soccer-bitch:-M- Thanks so much for continuing to tune in, you are making my head swell! –Aph- Glad you enjoy this story, it's nice to now it's appreciated.

sparkyCSI: -M-Well we didn't kill him or even really do much damage! Don't hate us! As for Matt (and Carmen), you just have to keep reading! And we'll put everyone back as we found them...eventually.-Aph- lol I always do something mean to Flack. You'll have to wait unfortunately, you have to feel bad for the chars tho, its angsty as hell and that's why it's my guilty pleasure.

fatkat: -M-Better late than never, and I am glad you have enjoyed it, we have had a blast writing it. Sadly real life keeps us from updating it as frequently, but I think it is worth the wait! –Aph- lol I love Gus too, she makes me laugh sometimes and she's feisty as hell. I'm glad you love this story it means a lot! We work hard on it.

Mauveine: -M-I know, it makes it all the more difficult because both sides are in the right and wrong and have very real and valid points! It is hard to not just want to clonk everyone's heads together! Hopefully more is coming soon and you will enjoy it as much. –Aph- I so agree, it would be hilarious if they had a full out bitch fight in the hosp, but Gus is more mature lol. The point of the story is to show you all view points of the story so it shows the reality of the situation.

Dropkick95: -M-The lucky 100 reviewier! You win a prize (this update). As I said above, real life has been taking us both away from our "babies", but we love the reviews! –Aph- lol your wish is my command, RL does really hate us at the min but hope you enjoy this little piece.


	20. Chapter 20: Make Up

Chapter Twenty

_So don't say your goodbyes you know its better that way  
We won't break, we won't die  
It's just a moment of change  
All we are, all we are, is everything that's right_

_One Republic – All We Are_

I could hear Flack's exasperated cursing as I strode past the bathroom en route to the kitchen. He'd come home from the hospital this morning and Mac had given me a few days off to help Flack recuperate. So far we'd kept our distance. I didn't know how to break down the barrier and be the one to reach out.

"Shit it's in my eyes!" I heard Flack exclaim, followed by a clatter of several things.

What the hell was he doing in there?

I cleared my throat and rapped on the door lightly.

"Don…erm… do you need some help in there?" I asked tentatively.

There was silence for a second.

"No I'm… Jesus fucking Christ…What do they put in this stuff? Seriously I'm fine." He shouted through the door.

I rolled my eyes at this response, my hand on the door handle.

"Look I'm coming in." I stated before barging into the bathroom, ignoring Flack's protests.

"What the…" I trailed off staring at the mess that had become the bathroom.

The shower was still running in the bath instead of it facing the wall, the head was tilted towards the tiled flooring, creating a dangerous puddle. The floor was littered with toothbrushes and various other items that I recognized from around the sink.

My eyes roved to Flack who was standing miserably in the middle of the puddle clad in nothing more than a towel; foam from the shampoo was not only in his hair but all over his face. His useable hand was flailing around searching for the taps.

I rushed towards him.

"Don… just stop for a second." I told him, snatching the towel off the railing next to him.

Flack let out a resigned sigh before standing still; I turned the tap on and dampened the towel in hand, draining the excess water from it.

"Now close your eyes." I said softly.

My hand rested on his good shoulder as I stood up on my tip toes dabbing at his eyes as gently as I could to get rid of the shampoo in them. I pulled the towel away to admire my handiwork.

Flack's beautiful blue eyes were tinged with red as he opened them, blinking several times before he focused on me. I gave him a small smile before putting my feet back flat on the floor.

"I bet your wondering why you married me huh?" Flack twisted his head to get a look at the mess that the bathroom was in. "I can't even shampoo my own god damn hair without turning the bathroom into a fucking swimming pool." He clenched his jaw looking angry at himself

I reached out, my fingers tracing the curve of his jaw.

"You were injured in the line of duty, being brave, saving lives. I'm just glad it was your shoulder and not here." My hand slipped down to his chest and rested on his heart.

"God, I screwed up so bad didn't I?" Flack muttered as I shook my head.

"It wasn't just you… I shouldn't have gone running to Matt. I should have stayed and tried to make it work more… When you were shot… I couldn't breathe… all I could think of were the horrible things I'd said to you."

I sniffed, and without thinking wrapped my arms around his waist, pressing my body against his. Flack stiffened for a second surprised, before I felt his good arm curl around me, hugging me tighter. Flack buried his nose in my hair, his lips brushing my forehead.

"I don't want to get divorced Carmen." He said quietly. "I don't want to be separated. I just want to be here with you, and our son. I want to be happy again."

"I think this is a good start." I murmured, looking up at him.

Flack tilted his head down towards me. His eyes met mine, deep, intense and blue.

"I love you." He whispered.

His lips were on mine, suggestive and familiar, igniting all the feelings I'd tried to bury over the past few months. My body brushed up against his. He winced as I accidentally nudged his arm. I pulled back reluctantly.

"I missed that." I told him.

His forehead was resting against mine. His fingertips stroking my face gently, I found myself smiling as I closed my eyes just letting my senses take in the essence of him all over again.

"Your gonna have to help me get dressed." He uttered, shivering from the cold air that was seeping into the bathroom.

"It's been a long time since I've seen you naked Detective Flack." I teased, taking his good hand and pulling him in the direction of the bedroom.

His lips were on mine as we barely made it to the door, his body pressing against mine with a prolonged sense of urgency.

"Then we'll have to do something about that Detective Devine." He groaned as the towel slipped away from his hips and we both finally gave in.

**I will freely admit it is my fault that the review replies are late this time, Maddy set them to me over a week ago now but I didn't get a chance to post over the numerous catastrophes that have occurred over the past few weeks. Thank you for reviewing peeps, we sincerely appreciate it!**

**Also I am a shameless plug, if you're a fan of Carm & Sam, check out my new story **_**The Tale of Two Girls. **_**I'd love to hear people's thoughts on it.**

_Blue: -M-Glad you liked it, hopefully you will still want to give up ice cream and chocolate as the tangled web keeps getting weaved! –Aph- lol I liked them together for that brief period of time, lol I'm the only person who feels sorry for Matt. I demand Oreos and milk._

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lapland: -M-No kidding, huh? Of course Flack is alright, we wouldn't cause any real damage to the pretty! As for the rest, you'll have to stay tuned! –Aph- lol work, graduating, moving all in the same week and I'm working 7 whole days in that week so it sucks. I feel for Matt a little but she never promised him anything._

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Soccer: -M-Thanks, we aim to please! –Aph- lol did it surprise you? Glad your still enjoying it._

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BEG75: -M-Maybe Matt is always the sharpest tool in the shed, or maybe he isn't thinking with his big brain? And I can't see Flack permanently damaged! –Aph- lol Matt's prob was that he fell in love, and he knows it was wrong but he became somewhat self centred I feel a little for him though lol Flack's doing fine thank God.._

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hope: -M-I think that is where the beauty is in this story, feeling for everyone and all of their situations (as icky as they may be). I can't do fluff all the time! -Aph- lol the point of this story is to show all sides to the story because its not just as simple as so and so had an affair, there's reasons and layers to the whole ting. I'm glad you like this._

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sparky: -M-You know us too well ;), keep reading! I am loving your angst, it is a good break and I can't wait for more! –Aph- lol Your angst stunned me lol. I hope you enjoy what's coming next because you know us, we like surprising people._

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Forest: -M-What is this stubborn your speak of? J/K, I think everyone has some major issues they need to work out stat, but who knows if they will anytime soon? –Aph- lol I understand what you mean, I think everyone here is stubborn and it' fun to show what extremes that can lead to._

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princess: -M-Patience my dear, patience! I am glad you are enjoying it, but don't give me that innocent face, I know better! :) –Aph- lol we've already pre written a lot of chaps and it's my fault this one was late so I aplogize. Anyway I'm glad you liked this chapter and you'll have to wait and see what happens. Lol I am the only person that feels sorry for Matt._


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